Dating for Dummies
by DestinysFate
Summary: Buffy, who has been dateless for a LONG time, makes up a boyfriend to keep everyone from feeling sorry for her & from setting her up with Riley. Everything goes well until her “boyfriend” is asked to make an appearance at her sister’s wedding. Uh oh
1. Chapter 1

Dating for Dummies  
  
Disclaimer: Joss owns all characters, except David Pennington. And the title? It's not mine. It's part of the "'Blank' for Dummies,'" series. I've never read the book, so any coincidences are just coincidences. I didn't copy it. Only thing I copied was the title. *wink*  
  
SUMMARY: Buffy, who has been dateless for a LONG while, makes up a boyfriend to keep everyone from feeling sorry for her & from setting her up with Riley. Everything goes well until her "boyfriend" is asked to make an appearance at her sister's wedding. What is she gonna do?!?!? Somewhat based on the book "Asking for Trouble" by Elizabeth Young.  
  
A/N: Another idea that's been bouncing in my head a while. Thanks, Elizabeth Young. This story is (somewhat, I'm not sure yet) based on her book.  
  
$ * $ * $ * $ * $  
  
I glared at the offending piece of white paper.  
  
So elegant with it's fine script and white lace rimming it's edges.  
  
I crossed my arms over my chest, debating whether to call and tell the truth now, later, or my more favorable choice: Never.  
  
I bit my lip, wondering how I had gotten myself into this horrible mess.  
  
Why'd I do it? I was so stupid to lie. Now they're all going to find out and I'm going to be the laughing stock of the whole family and possibly the whole city, considering that the bride is a total social bird and the groom a successful business man. Everyone is going to be at their wedding.  
  
Shit, I was dead.  
  
Growling in frustration, I rubbed my hands on my face and snatched the paper off the table. Reading through it, my eyes once again landed on the words:  
  
"Mr. And Mrs. Summers request the pleasure of the company of Buffy and Spike at the wedding of their daughter, Dawn Summers to David Pennington . . ."  
  
I groaned and plopped into a nearby chair. I soon began banging my head on the wooden table, hoping that I would wake up from this bizarre nightmare.  
  
$ * $ * $ * $ * $  
  
About two hours later, this was how Willow found me.  
  
"Oh my God! Buffy!" Willow shrieked. She had just returned from shopping and dropping her bags onto the floor, she ran over to me and yanked my head away. "What did you think you were doing? You could've put a dent in the table," She scolded, rubbing a hand against the abused furniture.  
  
I rolled my eyes at the concerned red head, nursing the wood, "I'm so glad we have such a great friendship, Willow. You caring more about upholstery, more than your best friend . . ." I mock sniffed, "It really touches me." I put a hand on my heart to emphasize my point.  
  
She grinned and hung an arm around my shoulder, "I know. So . . ." Taking a deep breath, she clasped her hands together, "Being such best friends and all, could you maybe help me with my bags? I have some more stashed in the car . . . Ooh! Pretty! What's this?" She asked, taking the paper from my hands.  
  
Willow read through it, her eyes getting wider as she reached the end.  
  
"You're being invited to your sister's wedding . . ." Willow asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
She looked at the paper again, "Correction: You and *Spike* are being invited to your sister's wedding."  
  
I nodded weakly, "Uh huh . . ."  
  
She shook her head and laughed, "Boy, you're in deep sh-" I put a hand on her mouth.  
  
"Shush. I *know* I'm in deep trouble, okay?"  
  
My best friend shook her head, "Well, you knew it was going to happen sooner or later when you started this whole fib."  
  
I sighed and agreed, "I know." I rubbed my neck, "I just didn't know they wanted to meet my boyfriend so soon."  
  
Willow raised her eyebrows, "So soon?" She laughed, "Buffy, you've been dating Spike for a year now. I think 'so soon' is an understatement."  
  
I nodded and plopped myself onto the couch while Willow took the arm chair.  
  
"So what are you gonna do?" She asked.  
  
"I don't know." I moaned and buried my face into a pillow. "How exactly do you bring a made-up boyfriend to a wedding?"  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
A/N: Hope you like, so far! Please review and tell me what you think. I know it was kind of short, but hey! It's a start! *giggles*  
  
Please be kind and review. =) 


	2. Chapter 2

Dating for Dummies  
  
Disclaimer: Joss owns the characters, except for David, and whoever writes those "'Blank' for Dummies" series owns my title too. *sniffles* They own everything! It's just so cruel . . . *sobs*  
  
SUMMARY: Buffy, who has been dateless for a LONG while, makes up a boyfriend to keep everyone from feeling sorry for her & from setting her up with Riley. Everything goes well until her "boyfriend" is asked to make an appearance at her sister's wedding. What is she gonna do?!?!? Somewhat based on the book "Asking for Trouble" by Elizabeth Young. I took some of her ideas, mwuahahaha! And borrowed some ideas from "Must love dogs," by Claire Cook. Hehehe . . .  
  
A/N: To those who mentioned that movie, "See Jane Date," with Charisma Carpenter in it: Yes, I have watched it. It was a cute movie. I'm probably gonna use one of the scenes from that movie.  
  
The book, "Asking for trouble," is a little like the movie . . . But totally different. You see, instead of having her friends set her up with guys, she- *growls* Argh! I don't wanna give anything way, so just read the darn book. *giggles* OR you could read my story . . .*nudge nudge* Hehe!  
  
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Thanks a BUNCHES for the wonderful reviews.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
How exactly DID I get into this mess? Well . . .Things are usually easier to understand when they're told from the beginning.  
  
Three years ago, I was dating this guy name Angel O'connor. We had been the picture-perfect couple. He was always the sweetie, buying me flowers now and then, telling me he loved me. Surprising me with elegant jewelry and cruises. We had dated all our years in high school and even after that for another two years . . .that is until he met this girl named Faith. You can guess what happened from there.  
  
A secret affair happened, of course.  
  
I had found the pair making out in this alley behind this club called The Bronze. There was groping and everything. I knew if I hadn't come, they would've gone farther than just kissing. I wanted to break it off, but he begged for forgiveness. He even bought this ring for me in apology. It was a silver heart being held by a pair of hands and he asked me for another chance.  
  
And the idiot that I am, I gave it to him. A few days later, I thought about having lunch with him. I was going to surprise him at his work. Turns out I was the one surprised. I discovered Faith laying on the table with Angel above her, in all their disgusting, naked glory. Horrible thing was, they didn't even realize I had come in. So they kept at it, panting and moaning, until I finally managed to find my voice and called Angel a bastard and Faith a whore.  
  
Faith just laughed and Angel yelled at me to get out of there. I was happy to comply and threw him the ring he gave me, saying it was over.  
  
I tried to move on, really, I did. But it was so hard to trust anyone from then. I stopped dating for about a year and I literally gave up on love. But mom, being the mother she was, she just *had* to butt into my business.  
  
"Sweetie, you *know* how I feel about you being alone." My mom had worried.  
  
I nodded, "I know." I replied in annoyance, "But really, I'm not alone. Willow lives with me, remember?"  
  
Mrs. Summers agreed, "Yes, yes. Quite right. But still. You've been single for *so* long now. Don't you think it's about time to start seeing someone?"  
  
I gripped the innocent phone tightly as I fought the urge to yell at her. Every time she called, she wasn't ever checking for my health. Or how my job was going. Or how Willow was doing. It was *always* about my love life.  
  
So like every other time that she asked me if I was seeing someone, I replied in the same way, "Mom, I'm just not ready to, yet."  
  
Then she would go on to talking about Riley. Riley Finn . . .The delivery boy at her gallery. No. He didn't work for my mom. He wasn't the guy who delivered paintings to other people.  
  
No, he was the delivery boy. The "Pizza" delivery boy who delivered *TO* my mom's gallery.  
  
She would tell me how good looking he was getting and how sweet he was to her. I rolled my eyes. Right! Whatever . . .  
  
It was a year ago that she called, like she did every other weekend, that she asked me if I was seeing anyone.  
  
"Hello?" I said, picking up the phone.  
  
"Hi, dear. It's your mother." The voice on the other end, said.  
  
I sighed, "Yeah, I know it's you."  
  
"Oh, dear. Must you speak to me that way?"  
  
"Speak like what?"  
  
My mom sniffed, "Speak like you don't want to talk to your poor, old mother." She was sobbing on over the line now. How my mom could be so over sensitive and melodramatic.  
  
I rolled my eyes, thankful that she couldn't see my expression over the phone, "Mom . . .You know I enjoy talking to you."  
  
She sniffed one more time and I could hear her nasally reply, "Yes, of course you do, dear." She blew her nose and sniffled again. "So, did you hear about your sister's new beau?"  
  
I pinched the bridge of my nose, controlling my annoyance, "Yes, mom. I've heard about him from you about the other ten hundred times you've told me. Besides, he's been dating Dawn for about a year now."  
  
"Don't take that tone with me, young lady." My mother scolded. I could almost see her waving her finger at the phone.  
  
"Sorry," I mumbled, "But it's true."  
  
Mrs. Summers agreed, "Quite right. But he is such a fine boy, is he not?"  
  
"He's great, mom."  
  
"That should show that Mrs. Jenkins woman." Joyce said smugly. Mom and Mrs. Jenkins had always been at each other's necks since they had become neighbors. They were so competitive, but tried their hardest not to show it. Mom would occasionally slip into their conversations that her Dawn had been put last in her piano recitals. Being put last in piano recitals meant you were the best. Mrs. Jenkins would then top that off by saying that Tara didn't go to recitals and that she was invited to start recording in a studio. Then Mrs. Jenkins would say how Anya graduated top of her class and my mom would stick her chin in the air and say that I graduated top of the whole grade. And so on.  
  
Now that we were older. Competitions situated on who had the better boyfriend, better husband, more money . . . The competing never ended.  
  
"Yesterday, me and Mrs. Jenkins were talking about Dawn's and Tara's boyfriends."  
  
"Oh?" I asked, trying to sound interested.  
  
"Yes. She told me that Tara was dating a man who owned a fancy restaurant." I heard mom snort on the other side and laugh, "And I just said that Dawn was dating a man who was a lawyer! Ha!" My mom droned on and on about how Dawn's boyfriend was better than Tara's. Mom could talk an ear off, I tell you.  
  
She sighed, "I am so glad Dawn is thinking of marriage. He'd make a *fine* extra piece to our perfect family."  
  
"Uh huh." I replied, sitting on the couch while my dog jumped up beside me.  
  
"And do you know what else would make a fine extra piece to our perfect family?" Mom asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"A boyfriend for you."  
  
"Mom!"  
  
"What?" Mrs. Summers asked innocently. I heard dad's voice in the background, "Leave the poor girl alone, honey." Ah . . .Gotta love dad.  
  
My mom directed her voice to my dad, "I know, Hank. But she won't ever get a boyfriend unless I tell her to."  
  
"You've been telling her that for the past year, Joyce." Dad reminded and I could hear a fork being slid across glass. He went back to eating.  
  
"Dear, you know I just want you to be happy." Mom told me.  
  
I nodded, "I know, but I am."  
  
"No, you're not."  
  
"Mom, not everyone needs a man to be happy."  
  
"They don't?" Mom asked surprised.  
  
"No, mom. They don't."  
  
There was a long silence on the other end and I ruffled my pet's hair.  
  
"What about Riley?"  
  
"Mom! No!" I grimaced.  
  
"Why not?" I could almost see mom pouting.  
  
"I've told you a million times. He's just not my type. He's big and masculine, his muscles could probably rip his shirt. Plus, he *always* smells. And every time I see him, he's got these brownish looking round stains under his armpits. Mom, it's gross. And he can't fix his hair, it's always messy. And . . .And . . .I don't like his nose." I ended with a 'Hmph.'  
  
"I knew you liked him!" Mom had a tendency to block things out when she didn't like what she was hearing. "So would you like to go on a date with him tomorrow?"  
  
"No," I state firmly.  
  
"Great! Be ready by noon. He's taking you out to lunch."  
  
"Mom!"  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
A/N: Next chapter will probably be posted tomorrow because it's already finished. But if I receive good reviews, I might just post it today. It's all up to you. ^_~  
  
Please be kind and review. =) Do you want the next chapter or what? *giggles* 


	3. Chapter 3

Dating for Dummies  
  
Disclaimer: *curls into fetal position and cries* So the title isn't mine and . . .and the characters aren't mine . . . And-and the story plot isn't *totally* mine . . .*tears streaming down face* I'm sorry, okay? It's all yours!  
  
SUMMARY: Buffy, who has been dateless for a LONG while, makes up a boyfriend to keep everyone from feeling sorry for her & from setting her up with Riley. Everything goes well until her "boyfriend" is asked to make an appearance at her sister's wedding. What is she gonna do?!?!? Somewhat based on the book "Asking for Trouble" by Elizabeth Young. I took some of her ideas, mwuahahaha! And borrowed some ideas from "Must love dogs," by Claire Cook. Hehehe . . .Ah yes. And I might use a scene from "See Jane Date" too . . .*wink*  
  
A/N: Hello, darlings! *crying* Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! You're all so sweet! Thanks for reading this story too. It means soooo much!  
  
To artemis66, go right on ahead. If you want to use one, feel free . . .UNLESS you want it because you want to make fun of me. *sniffles* That just wouldn't be cool. Hmph. BUT! If it's for a good cause. . .Go ahead. *nudges* Just give me a little credit . . .*giggles* Exactly what WAS the quote . . .? If you don't mind me asking . . .  
  
Oh! And I APOLOZIGE a THOUSAND times. PLEASE forgive me for not updating the day I said I was. I had gone to my grandma's house and I was planning on updating my story there, but I forgot my floppy disc at home. ARGH! I was so mad. I saw all the reviews and then I felt terrible that I couldn't update when I said I would. Please forgive me . . .=(  
  
SOOOO. . .Since I broke my promise and I feel absolutely guilty about it . . .I've made this chapter longer than the rest. So, I hope this makes up for it. *wink*  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
"Mom!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Mooooom!" I drawled out the word.  
  
More silence.  
  
"MOM!" I demanded.  
  
Complete silence.  
  
"Mom, if you don't answer me right now-"  
  
BEEEEEEEEEP.  
  
I heard the dial and glared at it.  
  
"Mom . . ." I whined, "Hmph." I can't believe she hung up on me! I slammed the phone onto the coffee table and angrily crossed my arms over my chest.  
  
My dog started whining and I turned to look at his worried eyes. Patting his hair, I cooed in fake enthusiasm, "I'm going out with a big ogre tomorrow!" I slumped and sunk into the cushion, "Great . . ."  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
"I thought we were going out?"  
  
"Isn't this going out?" Riley asked quizzically.  
  
I gave him an astonished look and raised my eyebrows, "Riley, when one says they're," I put my fingers in the air, making air quotes, "'going out', it usually consists of going somewhere to eat . . .Not going out in their car and delivering pizza."  
  
Riley playfully rolled his eyes at me, "We *are* eating, silly. There's some pizza in the back."  
  
I finally let my temper explode, "Riley! That's the pizza you're delivering to the costumers!"  
  
He snorted, "They won't notice." He shrugged, "Besides . . .We're on a date. They should understand."  
  
I massaged my temples and turned away from him, staring out the window, "Riley . . .You-"  
  
I tried to think of something that wouldn't hurt his feelings. He looked at me with hopeful eyes as he waited for what I was about to say. I almost felt sorry for him and was about to say he was a wonderful delivery boy, but then I saw the drool that was seeping through the corner of his mouth as he stared *hopefully* at my breasts and rolled my eyes, " . . .are a moron."  
  
He idiotically chuckled, his nose wrinkling non-too-attractively at the same time, "You're so funny."  
  
He put a hand over mine. Ew! No greasy hands on me, PLEASE! I snatched it away before they came in contact with my bare skin.  
  
He looked at me (or should I say, "my breasts") with admiration. "You see, that's what I like about you."  
  
His hand crept toward my seat and his hand landed sloppily on my leg. I grimaced and proceeded to peel his wrist off with my index finger and thumb, but I realized his hand was a bit heavier than I expected and I ended up using both my hands to throw the heavy weight off of me.  
  
I rolled my eyes and scooted as far away from the driver's seat as I could and snorted.  
  
"What exactly do you like about me? I can't really tell. Do you like my humor . . .or is it my breasts that you like more?" I muttered sarcastically.  
  
Riley smiled, displaying his rotten, yellow teeth and I could smell the evil stench from my position. I plugged my nose with my fingers, resisting my the reflex of gagging. I desperately wanted to get out this date. It was terrible.  
  
Riley turned into a street and came up to a driveway. He parked the car and turned to look at me.  
  
Oh my God! This isn't his house, is it? What the hell am I doing at his house? Oh, shit! I cannot be going into Riley Finn's house! This is disgusting! Oh my God . . .Get me out of here. Get me out of here.  
  
"I like you, Buffy. I really do . . ." The door of the house swung open and a teenage girl stood at the threshold. She was a holding a bowl of popcorn and her parents could be seen sitting on the living room couch while they watched TV.  
  
Thank God! My heartbeat returned to it's regular rhythm. I forgot he was delivering pizza there for a second.  
  
Riley continued, "I like you a lot, to tell you the truth and I'd really-"  
  
"Oh, look! Your customers are a-waitin'!" I stopped the long speech that I bet he had planned out and pointed to the open door, "They must've seen you in the window. You better give them their pizzas!" I turned around and shoved the pizza boxes at him, practically pushing him out the door, "Shoo, now. Go! GO!"  
  
He nodded stupidly, "Right. Business first," he paused and stared intensely at me, "Pleasure later . . ." He licked his lips and blew me a kiss. He showed off his strength by holding the three pizza boxes in one hand, lifting them up above his head as it clearly revealed the sweat marks under his arm.  
  
"Ew." I shivered. I glanced at my watch and noticed that it had only been fifteen minutes in on our "date" and I already wanted to go home. I pouted, passing the time by conjuring up fantasies of Riley somehow slipping on a piece of ice or muddy grass, accidentally injuring his arms and breaking a leg or two . . .then maybe having a dog jump out of nowhere and chew his penis off, thinking it was a Vienna sausage. Do you know how small Vienna sausages are?  
  
I watched as he headed back to the car and grinned and winked at me.  
  
God, this was gonna be a LONG day.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
"God, Wills! It was horrible!" I drank a sip of my cola and laid down on the couch. I shut my eyes and nuzzled the fur of my dogs hair.  
  
She laughed and sat on the floor, bowl of popcorn resting on her lap, "It couldn't have been that bad."  
  
I opened one eye, "That bad? That *bad*?" I sat up and threw my arms in the air, "Wills! He's a total perv!"  
  
My dog barked at that.  
  
"See? Even Spike agrees." We both laughed as I played with my dog's ears and his tail wagged.  
  
Willow patted his head and cooed, "Aren't you just the cutie? Yes, you are! Yes you are!" She turned her attention to me, "It's so cool how you finally got a pet. He's so adorable!"  
  
I sighed, "Yeah, I know." I pouted, "I just wish my mom would let me have him. Thank God she knows nothing about him living with us. Do you know how mad she'd get about having a pet in my house? In my *bed*?"  
  
Willow rolled her eyes and agreed, "I know." She scratched behind his ear, "No offence, but your mom is totally . . ." She paused and searched for her words.  
  
"Crazy?" I suggested. She nodded. "Yeah. My mom tends to think that any animal is dirty." I looked at Spike, "But you're not dirty, are you?" He barked and we both giggled.  
  
I leaned back on the couch and sighed, "But anyways. Mom is probably gonna set up another play date with Riley again. Ugh!" I screamed into a pillow.  
  
Willow looked at me in sympathy and munched on some popcorn, "I don't know why you put up with her." She shook her head and took a sip of coke.  
  
I sighed and put the pillow on my lap, "Well, she's my mom. I kind of *have* to put up with her."  
  
She shook her head, "No, I mean. About the dating stuff."  
  
I frowned, "What do you mean?"  
  
Willow swallowed some popcorn and explained, "Why don't you just tell her you can't see anyone?"  
  
I rolled my eyes, "Willow, she already knows about how 'I can't date anyone cause I'm not ready yet'. I already told her a million times and that sentence *still* hasn't sunk into her brain yet."  
  
She shook her head, "Fine. Don't tell her you can't date because you're not ready. But that's not what I meant when I said you can't see anyone."  
  
"Huh?" I gave her a confused look.  
  
She shrugged and said simply, "Just make up a boyfriend."  
  
My mouth dropped open in shock, "Make up . . .Make up a-" My mouth opened and closed, "I can't do that! Willow! What happened to the girl I knew back in school. You know, that shy, innocent girl-"  
  
"Ha ha. But I'm serious. Just make up a boyfriend. It's simple." She shrugged and she turned back to the TV.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
I thought about Willow's suggestion a lot over the weeks that went by. And during those weeks, my mom still called, asking if I had a boyfriend.  
  
I weighed the pro's and con's of Willow's suggestion.  
  
It wouldn't be that bad if I told a little white lie. It would get my mom off my back. It would stop me from dating Riley, too. That was TOTALLY a plus!  
  
And I could make my "boyfriend" as anyone I'd want him to be. His personality would be in my hands. I could make him a doctor, a lawyer, a business man. I could make him the perfect boyfriend and my mom would be happy and show off my boyfriend to Mrs. Jenkins. Everyone in my family would stop feeling sorry for me . . .  
  
Ring! Ring!  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi, dear. It's your mother."  
  
I balanced the phone between my head and shoulder as I made scrambled eggs.  
  
"How's your job?"  
  
I sighed, "It's going good." My dog trotted into the room, sniffing at the stove.  
  
"That's good. It's a nice job you have. You enjoy it, don't you?"  
  
I shrugged as I moved the eggs around on the pan, "Yeah. I like being a waitress. . .For now at least."  
  
"That's good." I waited for the inevitable question that she was building up to.  
  
She cleared her throat, "So. . . how is everyone?" I looked at my pet and scratched his ears.  
  
"Everyone's doing fine." I replied, smiling at Spike.  
  
"And Riley?" Spike snorted and I stifled a giggle.  
  
"He's . . ." Uh . . .He's a pervert! "Good." I said instead. My dog walked in a circle and laid by my feet.  
  
Her voice immediately got perky, "Oh! Great! So would you like to go on another date soon?"  
  
"No-"  
  
"Great!"  
  
I yelled at her before she hung up, "MOM!" Spike's head shot up and looked up at me.  
  
"Geez, dear. You don't have to shout." Mom scolded.  
  
I rolled my eyes, "Sorry . . .But mom. I can't go on a date with him."  
  
"Why not?" Mom asked.  
  
"Because . . ." I bit my lip.  
  
"Because . . .?" Mom encouraged.  
  
No more Riley . . .No more pity . . .No more calls from mom telling how Mrs. Jenkins daughter is doing better than me . . .  
  
"I'm seeing someone." It was shocking how easily that slipped from my lips.  
  
I could almost see my mom pressing her ear closer to the phone's earpiece, "REALLY?!?"  
  
"Yeah." Wow. That wasn't so hard at all.  
  
"Oh, that's wonderful, sweetie! What's his name?"  
  
I frowned. Shoot. I didn't think of that  
  
What's his name? What should his name be? I racked my brain for an answer.  
  
"Dear? Are you still there?" My mom asked, worriedly.  
  
"Um yeah . . .still here."  
  
"So, what's his name?" I looked around the room and tried to think of a name. Eggs. . .Edgar? Water. . .Walter? No.  
  
"Are you sure you're dating somebody?" Mom started to sound doubtful.  
  
My eyes landed on my dog whose eyes were staring back at me.  
  
Oh, what the heck.  
  
"Honey? What's his name?"  
  
After a long pause, I finally replied.  
  
"Spike. His name is Spike."  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
A/N: Ok . . .I hope that was long enough. *crosses fingers* I mean, I wrote 6 pages. So, I'm hoping that was long enough. *giggles* lol Am I forgiven now? *puppy dog eyes*  
  
Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review!  
  
Please be kind and review. =) Come on now. I get inspiration and motivation from reviews . . . 


	4. Chapter 4

Dating for Dummies  
  
Disclaimer: Characters? They're Joss'. The title? It's from a book. The plot? Not totally mine. Ok, so are you happy now? I own nothing. Nothing. *sniffles* Nothing . . .  
  
SUMMARY: Buffy, who has been dateless for a LONG while, makes up a boyfriend to keep everyone from feeling sorry for her & from setting her up with Riley. Everything goes well until her "boyfriend" is asked to make an appearance at her sister's wedding. What is she gonna do?!?!? Somewhat based on the book "Asking for Trouble" by Elizabeth Young. I took some of her plot, mwuahahaha! And borrowed some ideas from "Must love dogs," by Claire Cook. Hehehe . . .Ah yes. And I might use a scene from "See Jane Date" too . . .*wink* Mix 'em together, and what do you get? "Dating for Dummies." ^_~  
  
A/N: *yawn* I'm sleepy. . . .Must. . .have. . .sleep. *drooling on computer* ZzzzZZzzzz Oh! Before I fall into sweet slumber, let me just thank all of you for your wonderful reviews. They've kept me writing and sadly, they're the only things I look forward to when I come home from school. Thank you. *yawn* Thanks for actually taking the time to review and to read this. I never thought people would actually read my stories. *sniffles* Thank you. Thank you. Thaaaaaank yooooou. . . *snore*  
  
& * & * & * & * & * & * & * & * & * &  
  
"His name is Spike."  
  
The lies kept coming after that.  
  
What's his hair color?  
  
It's blonde.  
  
What're his eyes like?  
  
They're an intense blue.  
  
Where does he work? And the questions and lies continued.  
  
By the time I knew it, I had practically created the perfect boyfriend. Spike was now a sweet and funny guy who was a doctor. Spike and I had been dating for a year and mom was satisfied with knowing that her oldest daughter was finally seeing someone.  
  
Yes. Everything was fine. Just. . .dandy.  
  
That's why I found myself, a twenty-three year old woman with a boyfriend who didn't exist, glaring at an innocent, glittery card that said me and my boyfriend were to arrive at my sister's wedding. . .in two weeks.  
  
"You know what?" I looked up at Willow and pointed an accusing finger at her, "This is all your fault."  
  
My best friend's eyes widened, "My fault? How is this *my* fault?"  
  
I rolled my eyes, "You're the one who gave me the idea of making up a boyfriend."  
  
Willow rolled her eyes, "Look, you're making this into a bigger deal than it really is."  
  
I raised a brow at her, crossing my arms over my chest, "Oh? How so?"  
  
She shrugged, "Oh. . .I don't know," She pretended to think, then yelled, "Maybe you should just tell her that he can't make it!"  
  
"I've done that already. If lies were shoes, I would've probably worn a hole in them by now. I've used that excuse so many times. . . "  
  
"And. . .? Your mom should understand, I mean, he's supposedly a 'doctor.'" She replied, making air quotes with her fingers.  
  
I let out a breath of frustration, "Argh! She always gets dramatic saying how she's never met him and everyone's starting to think that he's not real. Plus, if 'he' doesn't go, my sister would be totally mad. Did you know Dawn actually made him the Best Man?" Willow stared at me in shock. "You must've not read all of the invitation," I muttered, burying my head in my hands.  
  
Willow flipped the card over and after reading through it's contents, exclaimed, "But she's never even *met* the guy!"  
  
I sighed, "Yeah, I know." I ran a hand through my hair and continued, " So anyways, mom also complains about how Mrs. Jenkins daughter's boyfriend seems to be a great guy. It's driving mom up the wall that she has nothing to flaunt in Mrs. Jenkins face." I scratched my head, "It's driving me crazy too, you know?"  
  
"You want to show off your boyfriend to Mrs. Jenkins?" Willow asked, amused.  
  
I shook my head, "No. I'm tired of not being able to show proof that I actually have a boyfriend. I don't want anyone finding out that Spike's not real-"  
  
Spike barked.  
  
I grinned at my dog and patted his head, "I want everyone to know that I have a boyfriend, that I'm wanted." I shook my head and dropped my chin onto my palm, "Not that I'm a world renowned loser."  
  
Willow nodded in understanding and after a long pause, I finished, "And it would be really embarrassing if everyone found out that I had made up a boyfriend who's perfect, but having it turn out that he's not even real and completely made up." I sighed.  
  
Willow nodded and looked back down at the piece of paper she was holding. She sat there, staring at the card in total concentration. Suddenly, she leaped out of her seat and started jumping up and down.  
  
"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!" Willow exclaimed, eyes widening.  
  
I looked at her strangely, slowly scooting away from her on the couch. "Have you forgotten to take your meds again. . .?" I asked hesitantly, hint of amusement in my voice.  
  
She pointed enthusiastically at herself, "Idea! Idea! I've got an idea!" Spike starting running around in circles and barking at Willow's outburst. My best friend was breathing heavily when she finally said, "You're gonna love me for this."  
  
I sat straighter and raised a brow, "I am?"  
  
She nodded, winking, "Oh yeah. Big time."  
  
I sighed and finally asked, "Ok. . .so. . .What's the idea?" She opened her mouth but I cut her off, "Wait! This isn't another one of your bad ideas that gets me into trouble, is it?"  
  
Willow frowned, "No." Lips curling down she asked, "When did my ideas ever get you in trouble?" I gave her a look. "Oh. . .right. It's not one of *those* ideas. Don't worry."  
  
"Ok, let's here it then," I replied, getting comfy in my seat.  
  
She rubbed her hands together and said, "Alright, so you need a boyfriend, right?"  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"But you don't have one."  
  
"Right." I agreed.  
  
"And you don't want to go out with Riley."  
  
"No." I grimaced.  
  
"And you want to make your mom and sisters happ-"  
  
"Willow! I really don't need the suspense here, ok?" I laughed, then rolling my eyes, "Just get to the point already."  
  
She pouted saying that I took fun out of everything. But I finally got her to tell me her idea. Taking a deep breath, she said, "GET a boyfriend."  
  
I stared at her in silence, waiting for her to continue. When she didn't say anything, I said, "And. . .?"  
  
She plopped back into her seat, wide grin spreading across her face, "That's it." She sighed, "Don't you love me?" She giggled, obviously thinking her "idea" was a good one.  
  
"That's IT?!" I asked. She nodded and I pouted, "I thought you were gonna give me a *real* idea, Wills. . ."  
  
"What? You don't like it?"  
  
I sighed, "It's fine and everything. . .But exactly how am I going to get a boyfriend that's going to be willing to go out with. . .me. . .and how am I going to convince him of going to a wedding a posing as my long term boyfriend, who's a doctor, blond, has blue eyes, who'll be willing to be the Best Man, too. . .PLUS! I have to be able to keep him *at* the wedding. My family might scare him off right from the beginning. Ooh! And if he's hot, I might have to keep him from getting caught in Faith's little web."  
  
Faith was my cousin. The flirtatious slut bag ho. Chews a man and spits him out. Or should my choice of words be, in my PG version: *Bleeps* a man and kicks him out. She had taken every man I had dated or who I just simply liked. God, how I hated her.  
  
I groaned, "God, this is hopeless."  
  
Willow thought a moment and glanced at the newspaper strewn on the nearby table, a smile slowly crept onto her lips, "Not *totally* hopeless. . ."  
  
I noticed this look and immediately shook my head, "Oh no. . .I know that look. Forget about it. Forget it." I stood up and walked out of the living room and headed to the dining room.  
  
"Buffy!" Willow whined, "It's a good one, I promise!"  
  
I let out a breath and turned to face her, hand on my hip, "What's the 'good' idea?"  
  
She grinned and said simply, "We'll put out a personal ad."  
  
I pouted, "You said it was a good idea."  
  
"Isn't it?" She smiled.  
  
I shook my head, hands waving in front of me. "No." I stated firmly and walked away.  
  
"Buffy. . ."  
  
I covered my ears, "Forget about it!"  
  
She followed me into the kitchen, "Oh, come on Buffy. It could work."  
  
"Willow, there is no *way* I'm putting out an ad saying that I'm desperate for any man to come and date me." I poked her in the chest, "No." Spinning around, I continued bustling around the kitchen while Willow sat on a stool trying to persuade me.  
  
"It wouldn't be called desperate. A lot of people do it. Even those who *aren't* desperate." Willow popped a grape into her mouth and fed one to Spike.  
  
"Willow, just forget about it." I demanded, "It's would *not* work." I opened cabinets and searched for a clean spoon. Opening the freezer, I pulled out a container of ice cream and sat in the stool beside her.  
  
"Just forget it Willow. No one would be interested in me once they'd meet me," I sighed and opened my mouth, sucking on the cold dessert. With my mouth full, I said in a muffled voice, "Now go take Shpike out for a walk and let me drown in my shorrows with thish tub of Oreo Cookie Ice Cream."  
  
The red head rolled her eyes, "Yes it would work."  
  
I swallowed the ice cream and agreed sadly, "Yeah. . .desserts can really make me you feel something other than sadness."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Willow asked in confusion.  
  
I frowned, and answered unsurely, "Drowning my sorrows in ice cream. . .? What are you talking about?"  
  
"Buffy! I meant that the personal ad would totally work. Trust me."  
  
I shook my head, "Uh-uh. No way." I dug into the ice cream and stuffed some more in my mouth. I waved the spoon, dripping with melted ice cream at her, "It's *never* gonna work, I tell you. Besides, I could never write something good enough that would attract any man's attention."  
  
She got a piece of paper and pen then handed it to me. "Write."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
She clicked the pen and the ink tip popped out from the end, "Just be honest and write what you're looking for. There's *bound* to be someone within your description of your imaginary boyfriend."  
  
I sighed and took the materials from her. I looked up, thinking a moment, and finally began to write. "There." I said when I was finished.  
  
She read through it, holding the paper to her face, reading it aloud.  
  
"'Twenty-three year old woman, looking for single male in his twenties. . .' That's pretty good so far. . . 'At least over 5' 5'', blonde, blue eyes, a doctor. Loves kids, great with family, no matter how crazy. Humorous, but not too funny that his jokes are lame. Can be sweet but has a wild side. Willing to go to a wedding with me.'"  
  
I bit my lip, hands moving restlessly in my lap. "Well. . .? What do you think?"  
  
Willow looked up from the paper and stared at me. "'Willing to go to a wedding?'" Willow repeated, I nodded. "What are you trying to do? Make him think that you're looking for a soul mate? This sounds like you're trying to find someone who you can propose to. And you sound to picky in this ad. Remember that you only have a couple of weeks to find a boyfriend. . ."  
  
I pouted, "I told you it wouldn't work."  
  
She shrugged. "Well, look on the bright side. At least you'd grab a guy's attention with this," she tried. Spike barked and paced around by the door.  
  
"Yeah, whatever." I scooped more ice cream into my mouth, "I told you it wouldn't work. But noooo-"  
  
"Yes it will." She jumped off the chair and headed to a shelf that had Spike's leash hanging off it, "I'll write it for you." She pushed into my hands, Spike's leash and grabbed my shoes.  
  
"Now just you relax. It's a nice day, go take Spike for a walk while I write this ad for you."  
  
I slipped into my shoes and turned to her, asking, "Are you sure you don't need any help?"  
  
She winked, "Positive. Now go." Willow pushed open the door to the afternoon sunlight and Spike darted out, with me being dragged behind.  
  
"Maybe you might find Prince Charming today!" Willow called out from the house.  
  
I waved back and yelled, "Yeah. . ." Then mumbling to myself, "Yeah, right. . ."  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
A half hour later, no luck at spotting any available man, Spike started to whine and I lead him to a park for him to pee. I was beginning to think that I'd find no one and I'd really have to depend on that personal ad that Willow was making me at the moment.  
  
I sat on a bench while Spike sniffed the ground for a spot. "Come on. . .Find your place to pee already so we can go." I mumbled.  
  
"Excuse me?" A man asked, standing near the bench I was sitting on, "Find myself a place. . .to pee?"  
  
I was startled by the voice and my head shot up. Meeting the eyes of a very attractive man, I blushed in embarrassment, "Oh my God. I didn't mean you. I wasn't talking to you. Not that I didn't want to talk to you, it's just. I don't want *you* to pee. Well, I don't want you to stop peeing, it's not like I can control when you pee or anything. . .Oh God. . ." I put a hand on my burning cheek and the guy laughed as I helplessly gazed at the ground.  
  
"How about we start over?" The guy asked, putting a hand out for a shake.  
  
I gave him a shy smile, still embarrassed. Hm . . .Maybe he's a keeper. He didn't think I was a freak after the whole 'peeing incident,' and he still wants to talk to me. . .  
  
Taking his warm hand, I introduced myself, "I'm Buffy. And you're. . .?" AVAILABLE?! I screamed in my head.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
A/N: I'm TOTALLY OPEN FOR SUGGESTIONS OR REQUESTS!!!!! *points at readers* Buffy's gonna be up and dating with various men if this guy turns out not be "the one." So when you give me the suggestions. . .be very detailed, if you don't mind. *wink* Be creative! *giggles*  
  
Oh! But if you want this guy to be Spike (human, not the dog. LoL) , tell me. If you don't want him to be Spike, but someone else and you want Spike to meet Buffy in another way. . .tell me. TELL ME! Majority rules. . .or whatever I want. *shrug* *giggles*  
  
Please be kind and review. =) Spuffy will come soon. . .soon. . .If I have enough reviews that will push me to write. . .Then Spuffy will come soon. . .^_^  
  
Now. . .I go to sleep. *snore* ZZzzzzz........... 


	5. Chapter 5

Dating for Dummies  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. *looks around empty room and the desert tumbleweed that rolls by* I own absolutely nothing. . .*sigh*  
  
Summary: Read previous chapters. *wink*  
  
A/N: Question-Does anyone actually take the time to read my author notes? Anyone? Anyone at all? *shrug* I was just curious. . .  
  
I'd like to take the time to thank everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, every single person who read and reviewed this story, THANK YOU SO MUCH. *eyes tearing up* You've made me smile and brought me close to tears when I discovered the sweet and wonderful reviews. *sniffs* It's just shocking how there are people out there who think my writing is worth reading. Wait, it's not shocking, it's absolutely unbelievable. Thank you for taking the small amount of time for reading/reviewing. It means a lot. I'd write a longer paragraph to a page or two on my thanks and appreciation to you all, but I think that some of you must want to just skip to the story part of this chapter. . .So I'll just let you go now. *giggles* Again, thanks so much!  
  
Oh! And  
  
To **buffsterangelicxws**: Yes, you really are persistent. *giggles* I think you've pushed me enough to make me update it. . .I'm not sure yet. I'm still trying to gather enough courage to put up chapter 2. But thanks for being the little voice in the back of my head, reminding me to update. *giggles* By the way, it's called, "Given the Chance." But you know. . .I am really sensitive *hugs self* and people's opinions really mean a lot to me. You've read the "flame-y reviews" right? It really put me down for a while. . .So yeah, I'm still gathering that courage. But again, thanks. *huggles* I just might update it for you. . .*wink*  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
"I'm Buffy. And you are. . .?" The word "available" was flashing in neon letters inside my head.  
  
He shook my hand, "Hello, Buffy." He smiled, "My name is-"  
  
"Whoof! Whoof!" Spike barked and pulled the leash that was connected to my hand.  
  
I smiled in embarrassment and yanked on the leash, causing Spike to clamp down on his yapping.  
  
I apologized, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear your name. What was is it?"  
  
He smiled, "I'm-"  
  
"Whoof! Whoof!"  
  
I rolled my eyes in annoyance and sent an apologetic look to the guy standing in front of me. I whipped my head towards the four-legged disrupter, "Spike!" I hissed.  
  
As I pointed a finger at the dog, I failed to notice a brunette man, walking past us, turn his head in our direction. If I had looked and turned my head to the right, I would've seen the brunette man looking confused, but then shrug and continue walking his dog.  
  
Spike had the decency to shut his gob and resumed sniffing the ground.  
  
I sighed happily and turned to the grinning man, "Ok, one last time. What was your name?"  
  
He chuckled and finally said, "I'm Oz."  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
"So you play the bass?" I asked, scratching Spike behind the ear.  
  
Oz nodded as we continued to sit on the bench we had been on for some thirty minutes, "Yeah. I'm in this band called 'Dingoes ate my baby.'"  
  
I raised an amused brow, "Interesting name."  
  
He nodded in agreement, "Oh yeah. Totally."  
  
Silence.  
  
"So. . .What do you do in your spare time?" I tried.  
  
Oz had been like this since the first time I tried to open a conversation with him. He seemed to me like the strong silent type. More of a listener. I shook my head. I didn't think I could handle anymore of him. He was a great guy and everything. He could be funny when he wanted, but it just seemed like we weren't right for each other. From the moment we started talking, I could tell we had absolutely nothing in common. But I didn't want to give up. I could still have a chance. . .right? I mean, I had two weeks to look for a boyfriend and I couldn't let any guy slip between my fingers. Besides, Oz hadn't made any attempt at ending our little conversation at all. I took that as a sure sign that he enjoyed my company.  
  
Thus, I kept up the small talk we had going. . .no matter how terribly short his answers were.  
  
"Stuff that I enjoy." He replied, right to the point.  
  
I looked down at the golden retriever's head that was settled on my lap. He looked up at me with wary eyes.  
  
Spike was bored too. I sighed and racked my brain for another topic that we could talk about.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
When it had been about an hour, Oz walked me home. He walked me up the steps to the small flat me, Willow, and her brother Xander shared.  
  
I glanced at the door and then to Oz, "Well, this is me." My eyes looked anywhere but him. I was unsure of what we were to do. Man! I was SOOOO out of practice. What am I supposed to do, again?  
  
Oz turned to me and he leaned in to give me a peck on the cheek. He pulled back with a smile and a tint of red on his cheeks, "I had a good time."  
  
A small smile crept onto my lips, "Yeah. . .Me too." I felt Spike's wet nose nudge my leg. I could almost hear Spike saying, "Liar. . .liar. . .Pants on fire. . ."  
  
Oz walked down the steps and looked back up at me, "See you tomorrow, then?"  
  
I thought about it a moment and then thought, 'He might be my only chance!' so I immediately agreed.  
  
He grinned, "Great! I'll pick you up around. . .noon?"  
  
I nodded and he turned, walking away.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
I hadn't even planted my foot inside when I heard Willow's bubbly voice, "Ooh. . .Who was that?"  
  
I rolled my eyes and was ready to glare at Willow, but she wasn't in front of me. I frowned, confused as to where she was situated. That's when I saw movement by the side of the door where the windows were. Willow was currently peeking through the blinds and giggling.  
  
"Willow! You were spying?!" I asked, astonished.  
  
She held her hands up in defense, "Hey, it's for a good cause."  
  
I rolled my eyes at her and laughed, "Whatever." Letting Spike off his leash, he trotted out of the room and into the kitchen.  
  
Willow bounced on the couch, "So? How is he? Is he nice? Is he funny? Do you like him? I saw that kiss on the cheek. That was sweet. He must be sweet. Is he sweet?-"  
  
"Wills! Take a chill pill, ok?" I giggled, settling myself into a chair.  
  
She breathed in and out, slowly, "Ok. Now I'm calm. Now spill."  
  
I shrugged, "He's nice. He can be funny. Do I like him?"  
  
Willow waited and I shook my head, "He's. . .not so much of my type."  
  
My best friend sighed and pointed out, "You can't be picky. . ."  
  
"I know," I nodded, "But I'm not. It's just we have nothing at all in common. He's the silent type, but he's the kind of guy that when he gets that special someone, he turns into a chatter bug, you know? I'm definitely not that 'one'." Willow was about to reply when I continued, "So tomorrow, I'm gonna tell him that I can't date him, but we can be friends. Yeah. That'll work. Thanks, Wills." I got up from the chair and headed to the bathroom.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
Next day. . .  
  
Knock. Knock.  
  
"Willow! Can you answer that, please?" I called out.  
  
"Yeah yeah. . ." Willow mumbled, getting up from where she was putting my personal ad into an envelope.  
  
She turned the knob and opened the door to reveal a surprised Oz, "Oh. . .I'm sorry. This isn't Buffy's house?"  
  
Willow was speechless. He was waaay cuter up close and personal. She gazed into his eyes for a while but snapped herself from her stupor, "Sorry. . .Uh. . .What did you say?"  
  
Oz smiled, me being the last thing on his mind, "Would you like to have lunch with me?"  
  
"S-sure," Willow stuttered.  
  
She grabbed her purse and my personal ad, locking the door behind her.  
  
"Was that him?" I came out of my bedroom but met silence. Looking around, I called out to her, "Willow?"  
  
I frowned and peeked through the blinds and sure enough, there my best friend was, going out with Oz.  
  
I shook my head and sighed, "At least *someone* is having a good time." I was happy for Willow, really. But what about me?  
  
Not having any time to complain, the phone started to ring.  
  
"Coming, coming, coming," I muttered with Spike bounding behind, picking up the phone I said, "Hello?"  
  
"Buffy-dear!"  
  
"Mom!" I greeted in fake enthusiasm.  
  
"So, sweetie, did you get the invitation I sent you?"  
  
I nodded, "Yeah," I replied, picking up said invitation, "Love the glitter on it. Nice touch."  
  
"Oh, why that's sweet. Just sweet," she giggled, "That's what Mrs. Jenkins said. Oh, you should see the witch- pardon my rude language, darling -She's absolutely blue with envy!"  
  
I stifled a laugh, "I think that's *green* with envy, mom."  
  
"Yes, yes, of course," I heard her waving her hand in dismissal, "I've got her beat. My daughter is getting married to the most perfect man on earth and my other daughter is dating the. . .uh. . . Um. . .*other* most perfect man on earth. Yes, yes. All is well. By the way. . .When will we be meeting this wonderful boyfriend of yours?"  
  
I pinched the bridge of my nose and sat down, "I. . .uh, um. . .Well-" Spike jumped onto my lap, obviously sensing my discomfort.  
  
"Oh dear! Please don't- don't tell me he's not going to be able to go to the wedding!" I could hear my mom beginning to tear up, "You *know* how much I've been looking forward to meeting him-" She was sobbing.  
  
"Oh, mom. Please don't cry. You'll meet him. He's coming, I promise." I tried to soothe as Spike licked my face. "Spike. . .stop. . ." I scolded my pet.  
  
"That's great, honey!" She cried out, all of sudden, no more sniffling, "Spike?"  
  
I froze.  
  
"Uh. . .what?"  
  
"You said 'Spike', is he there?"  
  
"Um. . .No. He's not." I denied.  
  
"Sweetie, you said Spike. He's there, isn't he? Can I talk with him?" She stopped talking to me and called out for Spike, "Spiiiike! Hellloooo! This is Buffy's mother!"  
  
"He's not here, mom," I tried my best to persuade as I pushed Spike off my lap. He hopped back onto me and push me backwards onto the couch, "Spike!" Oops.  
  
"I knew it! He *is* there. Now shush, darling. Let me speak to the boy." My mother demanded.  
  
"No," I replied, voice muffled by Spike's heavy breathing, "He can't talk right now. . ."  
  
"Honey? What is that? I can't hear you very well-"  
  
Spike was breathing on the phone now and I had no idea what that must've sounded like on the other side of the line, but my mom informed me of how it did.  
  
"Oh dear Lord, Buffy. What are you and Spike doing?!" I could almost see her turning red, "Are you two having sex?!"  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
A/N: *dodges tomatoes and others of the food variety* Ok. . .I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know a lot of you wanted to have Spike being the one for Buffy to meet, BUT, I realized that I needed Willow to have a boyfriend.  
  
So. . .maybe SPIKE might be in the NEXT CHAPTER if I get enough reviews to motivate me to write about him. AND if it's not too much to ask. . .Can someone give me a creative way of meeting Spike? It doesn't matter if you think your idea stinks, just send it to me! I'm pretty sure I could mix it up with someone else's, if not, I might just get inspired from your idea. Come on! I need YOUR help! *puppy dog eyes*  
  
THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING! THANKS A BUNCHES! They've really made my first week of school bearable.  
  
Please be kind and review. =) *puts fingers to temples* I predict there will be Spuffy in the future. . .yes. . .Spuffy. . .if I get reviews. . .yes, there will be Spuffy. . .hehehe 


	6. Chapter 6

Dating for Dummies  
  
Disclaimer: I've finally accepted the fact that I don't own anything. *pout*  
  
Summary: Based on the book, Asking for Trouble written by Elizabeth Young. The personal ad idea was from Must Love Dogs, another book which was written by Claire Cook. Add a scene from "See Jane Date," and mix them together. . .What do you get? "Dating for Dummies." =)  
  
A/N: *bouncing in seat* I love you guys! I really do! I love you ALL!!! Thanks for reading and reviewing. It means sooo freakin' much. What would I do without you guys? *huggles* *blows kisses*  
  
OMG!!! You guys were GREAT in all your suggestions! Thank you soooooo much! I was stuck in a little rut, but you all TOTALLY helped. As much as I wanted. . . I sadly couldn't use ALL of everyone's suggestions. They were all so good and that's the reason why I took so freakin' long to update. I kept opening the review box and scrolling up and down, debating which idea to use. I was ready to just close my eyes and place my finger on the screen without looking in order to pick one. . .That's how hard it was! *huggles*  
  
All of you are soooo creative and have the most wild (A "good" kind of wild lol) imaginations in the world. Thank you all for the suggestions. BUT! I'm not done with asking for suggestions. . .I STILL NEED HELP ON DIFFERENT TYPES OF GUYS THAT BUFFY WILL START DATING!!!  
  
So basically, this chapter is more of an intermission kind of thing while I use your ideas (that hopefully you will post at the end of this chapter) to create poopy guys for Buffy to date in the next chapter. . .until she meets *cough*. OMG. I ramble waaaay too much!  
  
& * & * & * & * & * & * &  
  
"Whoof! Whoof!"  
  
"No. . .Fifteen minutes. . ." I mumbled in my sleep. Spike nudged my side and began to whine. "Spike. . .stop. . ."  
  
"Having dreams about your lover boy?" Willow teased, pulling on a cord to open my blinds.  
  
I groaned as I opened one eye to glare at my best friend, "Ha, ha." Squinting at the bright light I yawned and stretched, "So what's with the early wake up call?"  
  
"It's not early, it's ten o'clock," Willow beamed, "I know because Oz is taking me out to brunch."  
  
I smiled, "I'm glad things are working out between you two."  
  
She nodded, "Me too."  
  
Grinning, Willow sat on the bed and a waved something at me. I frowned and looked closer to the object and my eyes widened in realization.  
  
"That's the column for personal ads!" I squealed, reaching for the newspaper, "Let me see! Let me see!"  
  
Willow held it away from me and shook her head. "I don't think you're ready to read this. . ." She said unsurely, then laughed. She handed it over to me.  
  
It had been two days since Willow had sent the letter for my personal ad and here it was, finally printed for the world to read. . .Ok. . .For the city of "Sunnydale" to read. . .But what's the difference?  
  
I read through my ad and once I finished, I smiled.  
  
It read:  
  
"Gorgeous blonde in 20's, voluptuous and fun. Searching for male companion who enjoys romantic strolls under the moonlight. Must love families and dogs."  
  
I nodded my head in approval, "Not bad. . ."  
  
Willow chewed on her lip, "You don't think the, 'Enjoys romantics strolls under the moonlight,' sounds a little. . ." she thought a moment, "vampire- y slash Dracula-ish?"  
  
I shook my head, "No, it's perfect." Grinning, I hugged her, "Thanks. Now all I have to do is wait for some guy. . .hopefully single. . .to reply."  
  
Willow stood up and grabbed the phone, "One more thing." She handed the cordless over to me, "You can actually record your voice saying this ad. Some people don't get newspapers, so they just call the phone ad thingy. This will make your chances of getting someone greater."  
  
I nodded and pressed the 1-800 and then the seven digits. Pressing in my password, I repeated what it said on the newspaper.  
  
I sighed, "Now what?"  
  
Willow shrugged, patting Spike's fur, "Now. . .We wait." It was silent for a few seconds until Willow's watch started to beep. She glanced at it, "Oops. I guess *you'll* have to wait. I've got a date!" She squealed and ran out of the room.  
  
"Have fun!"  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
My day consisted of staring at the phone, waiting for at least a few minutes to pass before checking my response box yet again. I'll even admit that I actually went outside to check the mail for any letters from any guy who might've seen my ad and immediately sent a note to me or something.  
  
What can I say? I was desperate.  
  
Of course, everything was empty.  
  
I was terrified that this ad wouldn't work, but Willow kept reminding me that this was the first day my ad was printed and that I had to chill. So that's what I did.  
  
I took Spike out for his evening walk.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
Spike trotted happily with his collar securely fastened around his neck and his red leash connected to the collar. Walking past stores, I ran into a man who was walking his dog as well.  
  
We blocked each other's paths and I moved to the right. He did too. He moved to the left. I did as well. It seemed that we kept up with this little dance, trying to get out of each other's way and we ended up laughing at our stupidity.  
  
"How about this," He suggested.  
  
He moved to the side and stretched a hand out to the side for me, allowing me to pass through.  
  
"Thanks," I smiled.  
  
The brunette winked, "Don't mention it, luv." He tugged on his dog's leash who must've gotten somewhat acquainted with Spike because his dog started barking.  
  
"Come on," the man sighed, dragging the dog away. His dog whined, pouncing from side to side, but the brunette finally succeeded in pulling the dog away.  
  
Spike barked and tugged on his leash. "Spike," I scolded lightly and the brunette turned his head.  
  
"What?" He asked quizzically, but Spike and I had already turned a corner and we were out of sight.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
"Go get it," I threw a stick and Spike bounded after it.  
  
Laying back in the bench, I laughed and shook my head at the memory of meeting Oz here; who currently, was dating my best friend instead. I sighed, hoping that maybe there would be some other single guy lurking around the park too.  
  
Little did I know, there were two making their way to the bench I was sitting on. I only noticed when one sat beside me, unhooking the clasp to his dog's leash. The other man who was walking towards the same bench noticed that it was now full and he shrugged, leading his dog away.  
  
Laying a casual arm over the bench, the male beside me looked around and his head turned towards me. He seemed surprised to see someone sitting next to him.  
  
Putting a hand out, he introduced, "Hi, I'm Owen." Hey! Here's a single cutie. . .  
  
I smiled and shook his hand, "Buffy."  
  
Owen frowned. "No- It's Owen." He corrected.  
  
"No. . .Buffy." I looked at him strangely.  
  
"No. . .Owen."  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"Owen."  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"Owen."  
  
"I know!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air, "You're Owen, I'm Buffy!"  
  
"You're Owen. . .*I'm* Buffy?" Owen repeated in confusion. His lips curled into a smile and I figured that he was joking the whole time. I rolled my eyes but then he asked with a grin, "Is this a game?"  
  
"Huh?" I raised a brow.  
  
"Are we pretending to be different people?" his perky voice asked.  
  
"What?" Was this guy a nut or what?  
  
He clapped his hands, "Oh! I get it! This is fun. So, I'm Buffy, right?"  
  
Great. . .He was one of *those* guys. The "Beauty but no brains" type of guy.  
  
I stood up and called for Spike. Turning back to Owen, I replied in sarcasm, "Sure. . ." I walked away with Spike trotting beside me.  
  
"So, what'd you think, Spike? Is he the one?" My dog snorted and I nodded, "Yeah. My thoughts exactly."  
  
Sighing, I realized that the personal ad was my only salvation.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
I got home and dialed in my box number and pressed pound for responses.  
  
A mechanical voice came over the phone: "You have. . ."  
  
My hand tightened it's grip as I waited for the computer to tally up the number of responses.  
  
". . .32 messages."  
  
My eyes widened and a smile slowly crept onto my lips. Eager to see who called, I pressed one and the mechanical voice said: "Monday, July 24th, 1:10 P.M."  
  
A man's voice came over the phone, "Strolls under the moonlight? I enjoy doing that. . .especially with a beautiful woman by my side. If you're interested, call me at. . ."  
  
I fell backwards onto my bed and grinned like a fool.  
  
By the end of the week. . . I was gonna have boyfriend.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
A/N: As you can see, Buffy will be dating. SOOOO I need some SUGGESTIONS from ALL OF YOU. Could anyone please post types of PERSONALITIES OR GUYS that Buffy could date? Purty please?  
  
I know you guys can do it! You guys gave me GREAT ideas on how to meet Spike. . .(which might be in the next chapter or the chapter after next, FOR SURE.) So I KNOW you guys can do this. I know I'm asking you guys for so many favors, but seriously, you guys are really my inspiration. *huggles*  
  
Please be kind and review. =) If you want a story, you're gonna have to review. . .If you want Spuffyness. . .You're gonna have to review. . .lol *wink* ^_~ 


	7. Chapter 7

Dating for Dummies  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. NOT EVEN THE GUYS PERSONALITIES! They all came from the reviewers! So yay! Joss doesn't own *everything*! Woo hoo! Disclaimers are at the end. ^_~  
  
Summary: Based on the book, Asking for Trouble written by Elizabeth Young. The personal ad idea was from Must Love Dogs, another book which was written by Claire Cook. Add a scene from "See Jane Date," and mix them together. . .What do you get? "Dating for Dummies." =)  
  
A/N: First off, I'd like to clarify that I'm NOT trying to copy the movie, "See Jane Date." I'll admit to the fact that I'm trying to follow the storyline of a book called "Asking for trouble," by Elizabeth Young and some ideas from "Must Love Dogs" by Claire Cook , but not the storyline from "See Jane Date." Any coincidence to the movie are just that: coincidences. The naming of the dog being "Spike" is my idea, but the rest has come from those two books mentioned. *lets out looooong breath* Ok. I hope that's all cleared up. *sigh*  
  
Thanks for the reviews! It took me a while to take everyone's ideas and glue them together. After all my arranging, I think I figured out how to do it. Thanks for the MUCH APPRECIATED ideas! OMG! You guys are sooooo creative and talented! OMG! Each and every one of your ideas were sooooo good and unique and I just couldn't wait to get to writing. So here's the finished product. I wrote this all late at night. . .So I hope you enjoy it. . .*bites lip*  
  
To **Spike wuvs Buffy**: LOL I was cracking up when I read your review! It WOULD be funny if Spike's dog was named Buffy. Heheehe ^_^  
  
Thanks for reading. . .Don't forget to review! ^_^ Purty please? (Side note: Dude, this is the longest chapter I've ever written, so I'm hoping to see some reviews. . . *wink*)  
  
& * & * & * & * & * & * & * &  
  
"Hurry up! You're gonna be late!" The red head tapped her watch.  
  
"Alright! I'm coming, I'm coming," I panted, hopping on one foot as I tried to zip up my black, knee length boots.  
  
"Come on, Buffy!" Willow rolled her eyes, "You were supposed to be there half an hour ago! This isn't a really good first impression-"  
  
"Ok! I'm out!" I gasped, grabbing my purse from her outstretched hand, "Thanks!"  
  
She gave me a thumbs up, "Good luck!" My best friend laughed and waved, "You're gonna have so much fun!"  
  
Little did we know. . .That was going to be the last thing on my mind.  
  
And so. . .my dating began.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Monday 5:30 pm--  
  
Running into the restaurant, I asked if any man had come in asking for me. The woman pointed towards the head of a man in a suit. I thanked the lady and headed over to the table with an embarrassed grin.  
  
Noticing me walking towards him, he stood up and held out a hand.  
  
"Hi, you must be Buffy," he smiled.  
  
"Yes, that'll be me." I looked this guy over, from his sharp suit to his blue eyes. BLUE EYES!  
  
This man could totally pass for Spike! And he looked like a lawyer too! How lucky I was!-  
  
"I'm Lindsey," his smile melted and his face twisted in disgust. His eyes roamed over my short black skirt and boots, "What on *earth* are you wearing?"  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Tuesday 6:00 pm--  
  
"A short, black mini-skirt and white, tight top with a low neckline. . .and a cute, lacy blouse over it too," Scott commented, delicately rubbing the fabric between his fingers, "It's absolutely gorgeous! Where'd you get it? It looks good on you."  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Wednesday 7:00 pm--  
  
Parker slid closer to me in the McDonald's booth, laying a hand on my exposed thigh, "But I bet it'd look *much* better if it were. . .off." He wiggled his eyebrows.  
  
He leaned his head towards my neck and his sweaty palm slowly ran up and under my skirt.  
  
"Hey!" I yelled, shoving away his greasy hand.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Thursday 7:30 pm--  
  
Jonathan blushed and covered his eyes. "Sorry!" he squeaked.  
  
"Huh?" I asked quizzically, laying a hand on his arm, "Is something wrong?"  
  
He yelped, jumping when my hand connected with his skin, causing the glass of water to spill onto the carpet of his mom's house. "Oh no!" He gasped, shaking with panic as he bent down to retrieve the broken pieces of glass, "Oh no. . .Oh no. . .Mother won't be happy. Oh dear. . .If she finds out I broke this, I won't get to go to those knitting classes anymore. . .Oh no. . ."  
  
I bent down and helped him. Jonathan squeaked, falling backwards and covering his eyes, yet again.  
  
"Jonathan! What's the matter?" I asked worriedly, putting a hand to his forehead.  
  
He replied with his hands still over his eyes, "Mother s-said. . .said I'm not supposed to look at women's. . ." he paused.  
  
I frowned, "Women's. . .what. . .?"  
  
"You know. . ." He gave me a look and I continued to frown.  
  
He covered his eyes again and sighed, "Mommy says I can't look at women's. . ." his voice lowered down to a whisper, ". . .breasts."  
  
My lips rounded into an 'o' as I finally understood what he said.  
  
What he said next kind of disturbed me. . .  
  
He widened some of his fingers and peeked through the creases. I swear, he was drooling. "I'm being a verrrrry bad boy. . ."  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Friday 11:30 pm--  
  
"Really?" I asked, amusement evident in my voice. We were walking in the dark, through the park, and Andrew was currently flipping the collar of his black cape- yes, I said cape -over his ears, making him look like a suspicious figure. . .ok. . .not suspicious, more like *stupid* figure.  
  
"Oh yeah!" He jumped up and hung onto a low branch, "I'm the big bad!" He swung back and forth. Letting go, he flipped in the air, falling non-too- gracefully on his butt. He fell into a heap behind me.  
  
"Ouch. . ." he moaned, "I'm ok. . ."  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Monday 5:36 pm--  
  
Lindsey's cell rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and glanced at it, hand poised to flip the phone open.  
  
I stopped him, "Can't you just let it ring? I mean, we're on a date-"  
  
"I'm not gonna just let it ring! This is important!" He snapped, slapping the phone against his ear, "Hello?. . .WHAT?!. . .No! He can't do that!. . .But the. . ." He droned on and on to the caller and I sighed, settling back into my seat while I chewed on the appetizer set on the table.  
  
"Could I have more garlic bread, please?" I asked politely to a passing waitress.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Tuesday 6:15 pm--  
  
"Ooh. . .Yum," Scott complimented as our food was set sizzling before us.  
  
I nodded, "Yum is right. I love Mexican food-" I stopped when I looked up at him. . .looking at someone else.  
  
He hadn't complimented the food, he had complimented the waiter who had just served our plates and was now swaying his hips as he walked away.  
  
"Oh my God. . .You're gay," I whispered, slowly realizing why he had complimented so much on my clothes.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Wednesday 7:01 pm (Only one minute passed. . .I was *not* enjoying this date.)--  
  
"*Please* tell me you're gay. . ." I muttered, as I scooted away from Parker's roaming hands.  
  
He laughed.  
  
His laugh was an irritating sound to my ears. How do you describe it? It was like. . .a hyena's. . .yeah, that's it. . .like a hyena.  
  
He put an arm around the back of my seat and wormed his palm to my shoulder, pulling me impossibly close to his chest. "You're funny," he commented, fingering a pack of ketchup between his hands. He slid two packets into his pocket and I gave him a look.  
  
"What?" He asked innocently, slipping a couple of straws and sweet n' lows into his jeans.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Thursday 7:52--  
  
"Mom wouldn't approve of this. . ." Jonathan shakily said.  
  
"Approve of what?" I asked, taking another bite of Mac n' cheese that his mother had prepared for us to eat.  
  
He glanced at his watch that had pictures of 'Spiderman' on its band. Squinting at the digital number, he answered, "I-it's getting late-"  
  
"Jonathan!"  
  
He looked towards his mother's closed door and called out, "Yes, mom?"  
  
"It's getting close to your bedtime! No more playing-"  
  
"But mom!" Jonathan whined.  
  
"Say *goodnight*!" His mother boomed.  
  
The brunette across of me pouted and sighed, "Goodnight." He lead me to the door and I waved goodbye.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Friday 11:46 pm--  
  
"Well. . .That was interesting," I laughed while Andrew continued to limp beside me.  
  
"It's not funny," he pouted.  
  
I put my hands up in mock defense, "Hey, I wasn't the one who wanted to see if he could fly by jumping off that concrete wall. . ."  
  
He sighed and sat himself on a bench.  
  
"You ok?" I asked, sitting next to him.  
  
He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and snuggled closer to me, "I am now."  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Monday 5:54 pm--  
  
"Hello? H-hello? HELLO?!?!" Lindsey yelled into his phone. He cursed and shut his phone, "Damn! I lost him!" He sighed and glanced at his spoon. Noticing an invisible, dirty spot, he began to scrub at it with his napkin that he retrieved from his own pocket.  
  
"This is disgusting, I can't use this," he threw it on the table and picked up my spoon. Gazing into it, he fixed his hair and smiled into the spoon, kissing his reflection, "Hello, handsome." Frowning he looked up at the lights, "Why is it so dim in here? I can't see myself!"  
  
I rolled my eyes. What an arrogant freak. Emphasis on the *freak*.  
  
"Are you ready to eat now?" I asked jokingly, although, deep inside I was angry with his priorities at the moment.  
  
He glared at me, "I'd be ready to *eat* now if I had my FOOD! Where's my food?!" He asked me then grabbed a nearby waitress, "Where's my food? I'm hungry!"  
  
Wow. Correction: He was a PMS-ing, arrogant freak.  
  
"SO? WHERE IS MY FOOD?!" He shouted in her face.  
  
"Lindsey, calm down and sit-"  
  
"Shut up, Buffy," my eyes widened angrily at his words.  
  
"WELL?" He asked, turning back to the waitress.  
  
"I- we're. . .it's c-coming s-sir. . .j-just-" The waitress stuttered as his grip on her arm tightened.  
  
"Just- Just- Just," Lindsey mimicked in a mocking tone.  
  
She finally wiggled out of his grip and ran to the kitchen, quickly returning with his plate of food.  
  
"Finally. Service around here is *so* slow," he took a bite out of his food and his nostrils flared as he spit the food out.  
  
"This is SPICY!" He complained.  
  
The waitress backed away and explained, "Well. . .y-you d-did ask- ask f- for. . ."  
  
He put a hand behind his ear, "What? Huh? I can't hear you," he shook his head, "Are you stupid?! You have the *one* job that takes the least amount of brains. . .and somehow, you manage to screw it up!"  
  
My temper flared. That's it. He had *no* right to treat this girl that way.  
  
I pushed my seat back and stood up. Walking around the table to the shouting man, I slapped him straight across the face, "Shut up, Lindsey." I spat, "You can't treat people like that. And you're wrong. Being a waitress is a *lot* of hard work, you ass. I'm one myself."  
  
Lindsey snorted, "Sorry. I guess I couldn't tell. . .You know. . . With all the slutty kind of clothes you're wearing."  
  
I laughed humorlessly, "Oh. . .You're gonna regret that."  
  
He chuckled, "Oh really- OW!"  
  
I punched him. Right smack dab in the middle of his nose. Granted, I had never punched anyone, but considering that his nose was bleeding, I took that as a good sign.  
  
He fell backwards and landed on his back.  
  
I sighed with mock sympathy, "Oh dear!" I picked up a glass from our table, "It looks like you're gonna need a little ice on that."  
  
I took the cup and tipped it over, slowly letting the cold water cascade over his face then shook out the ice cubes, letting them bounce painfully across his nose.  
  
"Thanks," the girl offered me a small smile.  
  
"Don't mention it. Just don't let guys walk all over you like that. I mean, it's ok to let small things slide, but that. . ." I pointed at the groaning man on the floor, "deserved a confronting."  
  
She nodded and I threw a couple bills on the table, "The twenty dollar change is your tip," I winked and walked away, not noticing the same brunette who I had ran into, sitting at his booth, grinning proudly at my earlier actions.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Tuesday 6:37 pm--  
  
"Mmm. . ."Scott moaned.  
  
I sipped my coke, "Are you staring at the waiter again?" I muttered with no amusement. He had been staring at him on and off for the past ten minutes. It was getting on my nerves, but I finally accepted the fact that he truly was gay, just not too keen on admitting it. Poor guy. . .  
  
He nodded but then caught himself. "No," he squeaked, then went back to digging in his beans.  
  
"Right."  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Friday 12:00 pm--  
  
"So. . .Why did you insist on having our date at so late a time?" I asked curiously.  
  
We were walking hand in hand down the street and Andrew grinned wickedly, "Because. . .I like to take strolls under the moonlight."  
  
I nodded, "Oh. . ."  
  
Just then, he leaned into me and nuzzled my neck.  
  
"Um. . .ok." I frowned, thinking that this didn't feel right. He sucked on my flesh and we stopped walking. I was enjoying the feeling until a sharp pain shot through my body.  
  
"Ouch!"  
  
Andrew backed away, "Oops-"  
  
I stared at him in shock, "Did. . .Did you just. . .*bite* me?"  
  
Andrew nodded, "Yes, because I'm a vampire!" He clutched the ends of his cape and danced on the road. "Grr! Beware, innocent town of Sunnydale! I will suck your blood!" He twirled around in circles and growled.  
  
I put a hand onto my neck and ran away home.  
  
What a weirdo!  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
--Satuday 2:24 pm--  
  
I flopped onto my couch and laid a hand on my forehead, "Willow, I am *never* doing that again."  
  
Willow looked up at me from her laptop and laughed, "You're overeacting."  
  
I shook my head, "No *way* am I overeacting."  
  
Xander came into the room with a bag of chips and a liter of Sprite.  
  
"Well, good morning, brother," Willow rolled her eyes, "Thanks for gracing us with your presence on this fine afternoon dear, dear brother," She smiled in false sweetness.  
  
Xander grinned, pieces of chips plastered onto his teeth, "Good afternoon to you too, ladies." He hung his legs over the arms of the couch and frowned, "Wait, what's with all the 'brother' name calling?"  
  
Willow shrugged and typed on her computer, "Oh. . .Buffy needed a date for the wedding-"  
  
"Willow!" I threw a pillow at her, "I am *not* asking Xander to be Spike!"  
  
Xander tilted his head to the side, stuffing more chips into his mouth, "Whoosh Shpike?"  
  
"Buffy's made up boyfriend," Willow answered.  
  
He coughed and stared at me, "You made up a boyfriend? HA!" He started to laugh a choke at the same time, "That was smart of you."  
  
"I know, ok?" I ran hand through my hair, "And no offence, but I'm *not* asking you."  
  
Xander pouted, "Why not? Am I not good looking enough?" He ran a hand down his chest to make him look desirable and I laughed at his antics.  
  
I giggled, "Although you're good-looking and everything-"  
  
"Of course I am!" Xander cheered.  
  
I rolled my eyes and continued, "But my mom already knows you. It wouldn't work."  
  
Xander nodded and unscrewed the cap of his Sprite, "That sucks." He tilted his head back to let the liquid run down his throat.  
  
"Yeah, it does." I muttered, resting my head in my arms, "I can't do anything now. . ."  
  
Willow stood up and smiled, turning her computer screen to face us, "Well. . .There is *one* more thing."  
  
She grinned and Xander and I looked at the screen at the same time.  
  
Xander's eyes widened and the bottle slipped from his hands as he spat pop like a fountain onto the wall.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Just try it, Buffy!"  
  
"NO WAY!"  
  
"Oh come on! It's a full proof plan, I tell you!" Willow tried to persuade me.  
  
"Wills, I am *NOT* hiring a male escort!" I waved my hands in the air.  
  
Xander thought a moment, "Isn't that like. . ." he tried to choose his words carefully but shrugged, "A man whore?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
Willow and I shouted.  
  
"I'm calling," Willow stated, heading for the phone.  
  
I was gonna have a boyfriend by the end of the week?  
  
Psh.  
  
Whatever. . .  
  
& * & * & * & * & * & * &  
  
A/N: Hm. . .I *wonder* who that male escort is gonna be. . .? LoL You probably all know, but oh well! *giggles*  
  
To Imzadi: Sorry I made Lindsey all evil in this story. I'm sooo sorry! Hope you forgive me! *hides under blankets*  
  
To Ultrawoman: Thanks for the idea on the "Perfectionist guy" who complains about everything, the "Childish guy" who's obsessed with mommy, and for the "crazy vamp guy". OMG! That was hilarious! When I got down to writing it though, I had no idea how to put it into writing. So sorry if it didn't turn out as good as you imagined. *pout* I tried. . .*sniffles*  
  
To Twisty-Treat: Thanks for the idea of the "Klepto guy." I really liked the idea! That idea never even crossed my mind! ^_^  
  
To Weeza: Thanks for suggesting the "Childish guy," and for the "Pervert guy," and for the "Arrogant guy" who yells at the waitress. I used your quote by the way! LoL It was so good, I just HAD to use it. You're very creative! *wink*  
  
To SpIkEs AnGeL: Thanks for suggesting the "Gay guy," and "Ego man," who checks himself in the spoon. I HAD to use that. LoL The scene with Scott wasn't how I really envisioned it, but I hope you approve! *crosses fingers*  
  
To aphelant: *snaps fingers* I didn't manage to add that Parker was a total slob. . .but I did get to use your hyena laugh! Thanks a bunch! It made me feel good to write Parker as a poopy kind of person. . .LoL  
  
And finally, to Kay: Thanks for the idea of Scott as the "Gay guy." I had a really good idea on how to write him, but it just didn't turn out the way I wanted. *massages temples* That's what I hate about my writing. I just can't seem to get it on paper. . .er. . .on the computer, like the way I want it. Hmph. *pout* It makes me so mad. *sniffles* LoL  
  
I'm sorry if I used your idea and I didn't thank you! SOOO VERY SORRY IF I MISSED YOU! Just yell at me, scream at me, do something! I don't want to be using someone else's idea and not give them credit, so please, don't be shy and just say, "You used my idea but didn't mention me!" Oki doki? lol Please forgive me if I missed you, I didn't intend to. =(  
  
Again, THANK YOU EVERYONE!!! See how you guys totally motivated and inspired me?  
  
And now. . .Will there be Spuffy love to come in the next chapter? *shrug* Who knows. . .?  
  
Please be kind an review. =) I'd reeeally reeeeally reeeeeeeally like to know what you think of this chapter. Should I rewrite it or should I just post the next chapter already? I hope I didn't confuse anyone! LoL If I did, I'm sooo sorry! I'll try to make it easier in the future. . .PLEASE REVIEW! ^_^ 


	8. Chapter 8

Dating for Dummies  
  
Disclaimer: *puts right hand in air* I will speak the truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God. *sigh* Ehem. . .*clears throat* I do not own the characters, I do not own the plot. . .(but neither does Joss! Mwahahaha!) But I do know that I own Spike the dog. ^_^ So a big "whoop!" for me!  
  
Summary: Based on the book, Asking for Trouble written by Elizabeth Young. The personal ad idea was from Must Love Dogs, another book which was written by Claire Cook. Add a scene from "See Jane Date," and mix them together. . .What do you get? "Dating for Dummies." =)  
  
A/N: *blushing* Oh my Gosh, you really thought the chapter before this was funny? *gives goofy grin* Thanks! *scratches head* It didn't seem that funny when I wrote it, but I guess all that matters is what the readers think. And I LOVE the way you guys think! LOL I love you all! Thank you for reading and ESPECIALLY for reviewing! *laughs* I'm so excited every time I open my box because they're always full of your encouraging words. *wipes a tear*  
  
As for the escort thingy, I'm not sure how that whole thing works out. So if you read this and go "That's not how they do it!" Know that I just made it all up. This is MY little made up world, thank you very much. Please don't bug me about it. =) Please?  
  
Thanks for taking the time to read this! Thank you thank you thank youuuuuuuu!!!! Now excuse me, I've got some house chores to do. =( Mom's gonna get mad at me if I don't get to it soon. Ugh.  
  
& * & * & * & * & * &  
  
I stomped my foot.  
  
"No."  
  
She stomped hers.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No." I crossed my arms over my chest and jut my chin in the air.  
  
Willow nodded, latching onto my arm. "Yes."  
  
"No!" I pouted as I tried to wriggle free from her grasp, "You can't make me!"  
  
"Yes!" She was dragging me now.  
  
"NOOOO!!!!" I was whining.  
  
"YESSS!!!" Willow rolled her eyes at me, "Buffy, will you stop being a baby already?"  
  
I gave her the best puppy dog face I could muster and said in a little voice, "But I don't want to."  
  
She stopped dragging me then, "Do you want a boyfriend or not?"  
  
I sighed, defeated, "Ok, ok. Fine." I held my arm out for her, "Let the dragging commence."  
  
Willow took my arm and resumed dragging me but stopped and turned around. "Wait. I don't have to drag you. What am I doing?"  
  
I gave her a startled look, "No! You *have* to drag me!"  
  
Willow gave me a look, "Um. . . Are you ok?"  
  
I nodded and put her hand on my wrist, "I could at least look like I'm coming here against my will. That's better than looking stupid and desperate, right?"  
  
She laughed and rolled her eyes, "Sure. Whatever."  
  
I pouted, "This isn't funny!" I crossed my arms, "I'm a twenty-three year old burn out who-who-who can't even get a single, decent guy to go out with her!"  
  
"Buffy! You're *hardly* a burn out-"  
  
"See? *Hardly*," I pointed out, "That means I'm *somewhat* a burn out already!" I sighed dramatically, "Face it! I'm doomed to eternity alone."  
  
"Not alone. You'd live with cats," Willow added perkily, trying to help and tease at the same time.  
  
I frowned, "Cats? Why would there be cats?" My face twisted in horror, "Oh my God, you're right! I'm gonna live in a house- no- in an apartment. . .with cats!. . .And Spike. . .But there's gonna be a lot of cats just like that lady said in that movie and-" I whimpered.  
  
Willow shook her head an laughed, "We *so* have been watching to much of that movie 'See Jane Date.'" She giggled again and I whined.  
  
"This is NOT funny!" I growled, "I'm hiring a man whore to pose at my boyfriend. Not funny."  
  
She sighed, "Male escorts are NOT whores. They're just paid to make women happy. That doesn't necessarily mean they have to have *sex* with the woman."  
  
I rolled my eyes as we entered the building, "Whatever."  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
"No, they are not man whores." The lady at the desk shook her head, "They're just paid to make women happy."  
  
Willow grinned at me, "See?"  
  
The lady tapped her fingers on her keyboard, "Alright. . .So what are you looking for?"  
  
I counted off my fingers, "Blue eyes, blonde-"  
  
"Any hot guy that's willing to pose as her boyfriend at a wedding," Willow provided and continued with how my mom was a hard-to-please woman and was competing against her neighbor's daughter's beaus with mine, to how I had dated almost all the men in Sunnydale in order to make my lies truths. I glared at her openness of my personal life.  
  
"Willow!" I hissed.  
  
"What?" She looked back at me innocently, "Oh yeah. And he has to be the best man."  
  
The lady looked surprised, "A wedding? Best man? Wow." She clicked her mouse and squinted at the screen, "I'm not sure if there'll be any men willing to do that. . .or if any of the men are available. But just fill out this sheet with your name and number, etc. I'll call you if I find anyone-"  
  
"I need him before the end of this week. The wedding's on Saturday-"  
  
"Don't worry. I'm sure I'll find someone by then." She waved a hand and filed my paper.  
  
I bit my lip, "Um. . .And. . .uh. . .How much will the, uh, man be?" I shifted uncomfortably. God, this was embarrassing.  
  
She thought a moment, "Depends on the man's services, usually. But they cost around $550 for a day."  
  
I winced, "Oh."  
  
The lady looked at me sadly and quickly amended, "But I think I can lower it to around $350 for you. Considering what you're going through."  
  
"Oh my God!" I threw my arms around her, "Thank you! Thank you so much-" I glanced at her tag, "Kennedy! Thank you, Kennedy!"  
  
We turned around to leave but I stopped and asked, "Um. . .These men are. . .?"  
  
The employee smiled, "They're safe. Don't worry."  
  
"Alright. Thanks again. You have *no* idea how much I appreciate this."  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
"How'd it go?" Xander asked from the couch when we entered the house.  
  
I grabbed his coke and drank it all in five deep gulps. "Do I have any more messages from my personal ad?"  
  
"That bad?" Xander sympathized.  
  
I shook my head, "No. I just wanted to know if I could get any boyfriend without *paying* them."  
  
Xander stuffed his sandwich in his mouth, "Ha mush shoo payn?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
He swallowed the food, "How much you payin'?"  
  
"Oh. . .$350."  
  
He laughed, "I'm telling you. You could've just dated me-"  
  
I rolled my eyes, threw a pillow at him, and repeated louder, "Any messages?" He nodded and I bounced in my seat, "Really?"  
  
"You have one."  
  
I pouted, "Oh, gee."  
  
I grabbed the phone and went into my room. Pressing in the digits, I waited for the message.  
  
"Monday, July 29th, 5:32 P.M." The robotic voice said.  
  
Then the man's voice,  
  
"Hello, gorgeous. . ."  
  
And that was all I needed to hear.  
  
The guy had an accent, a British accent to be exact. He sounded hot.  
  
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
He said he liked dogs too and had one himself, so we arranged to meet at the park.  
  
So here I was, sitting on the bench with my dog, glancing at my watch. . .  
  
Which told me that this guy was 30 minutes late.  
  
I groaned and turned my eyes to my dog, "Maybe I'm being stood up."  
  
He barked at me and I sighed, "Alright, ten more minutes. Then we're leaving."  
  
--10 minutes later. . .--  
  
I glanced at my watch, "How about another five minutes?"  
  
--5 minutes later. . .--  
  
"Stupid guy with a hot British accent, thinking he can-" I muttered. My ramble was cut off as a drop of rain fell on my nose.  
  
Spike barked.  
  
Another drop fell onto my shoulder.  
  
Drip.  
  
Drop.  
  
Drip. . .  
  
I looked up and rain fell from the sky.  
  
"Good God," I growled, "Come on, Spike."  
  
Spike barked again and he wouldn't move.  
  
"Spike! Come on! It's raining!" I whined, tugging on his leash.  
  
He stood on all fours, wagging his tail, but he wasn't looking at me. I frowned and he barked again.  
  
"Spike?" I asked in confusion.  
  
Spike took off dragging me along with him.  
  
"Spike!" I yelled as he jumped into a puddle, splashing mud all over me. I gasped, "I'm gonna kill you, dog."  
  
From ahead, I heard a man demand, "Stop, girl. Stop!"  
  
"What?" I asked, as I was dragged past him, "Are you talking to me?"  
  
Spike kept pulling me and I ran after him.  
  
The man looked up and shook his head, "No. No. My dog," he tugged on her leash, "Bloody hell." his dog barked at mine and they took off side by side.  
  
"This," I panted, "Sucks."  
  
The brunette man nodded, gasping, "Damn right!"  
  
We were both stuck running with our dogs in the rain.  
  
Spike and the man's dog headed back towards the park and jumped into the soggy grass.  
  
"No, Spike! No!" I ordered, but he wouldn't listen. Mud was splattered across our faces.  
  
"No what? I'm the victim here!" The brunette man yelled beside me.  
  
I was breathing hard as we continued to run behind our dogs, hands stuck to their leashes, "What are you talking about?"  
  
"You told *me* 'no'."  
  
I frowned, pulling my damp hair behind my shoulders, "I was talking to my dog."  
  
He rolled his eyes and shook the water from his hair, "You said 'Spike', didn't you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He laughed, "Are you trying to tell me that your dog is named Spike, too?"  
  
I was getting more confused by the second, "What do you mean by 'too'?"  
  
Before he had a chance to reply, our feet slipped on soggy grass and we slipped down the wet, muddy hill.  
  
Our hands were finally free from our dog's leashes and they watched us tumble down the steep hill, rolling our way down into the small lake at the bottom.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
"Pet? Are you ok?" I heard him ask worriedly, dragging me out of the water.  
  
I peeled open an eye and coughed, "You're worried about your pet at a moment like this?" I dropped my head back down and felt the mud seep into my hair. I heard him chuckle and I was forced to open my eyes, "Alright, what's so funny?"  
  
He shook his head, "I was talking about you, luv."  
  
I squinted through the rain that was still falling on my face. "I'm not your 'pet' or your 'luv,'" I grumbled.  
  
He lifted a scarred eyebrow at me, "Oh, so it's ok for *me* to be your pet, but you can't be mine?"  
  
I frowned for a moment but then I remembered and scrunched my face, "Your name is really. . .Spike?"  
  
He shrugged, "Yeah."  
  
"You're kidding. . . " I replied, a smile curling on my lips. I could almost see the wheels turning in my head.  
  
& * & * & * & * & * & * & * &  
  
A/N: Alright. There's chapter. . .8, I believe. All right, I know that scene was probably really confusing, so I'm saying "sorry" in advance. I really had no idea how to write it, but oh well. *shrug* I don't really remember who requested them to meet like this, so just give me another shout out and I'll give you credit for the idea in the next chappy, k? ^_~  
  
Oh, and see? I put (human!) Spike in this chapter (for a longer period of time than in previous chapters where you only got little snippets.) You happy now? *giggles* LoL  
  
Don't get your hopes up, though. Who says I'm keeping the two together for long? *wicked grin* I better see some reviews. . .*wink*  
  
*nudges mouse to review box* Click it! Click it! Click it!!! ^_^ LoL  
  
Please be kind and review. =) 


	9. Chapter 9

Dating for Dummies  
  
Disclaimer: *puts right hand in air* I will speak the truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God. *sigh* Ehem. . .*clears throat* I do not own the characters, I do not own the plot. . .(but neither does Joss! Mwahahaha!) But I do know that I own Spike the dog. ^_^ So a big "whoop!" for me!  
  
Summary: Based on the book, Asking for Trouble written by Elizabeth Young. The personal ad idea was from Must Love Dogs, another book which was written by Claire Cook. Add a scene from "See Jane Date," and mix them together. . .What do you get? "Dating for Dummies." =)  
  
A/N:  
  
Ultrawoman: OMG! Gurl, you're crazy! CRAZY! When I read your review, my jaw literally dropped. OMG! You're CRAZY! *giggles* Crazy is a good thing. ^_^ I went to your site and I spent probably 10 minutes drooling over the first page of your "Spike-Collage" before actually clicking "enter." *blushes* Love the pics! Ooh! And I saw my name! I saw my name! *giggles* I feel so honored. . .*wipes tear* Thanks, dearie!  
  
Fictionfreak2: OMG! You made me laugh out loud too! *waves finger in face* Ooh. . .Tsk tsk. Reading my fics during class. . .*giggles* I can't believe you! You're crazy too! *laughs* You're so baaad. . .LOL God, you should see me right now. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. ^_^  
  
Lindz and buffsterangelicxws: I'm glad you're enjoying this story. . .*hangs head in shame* But about 'Given the Chance'. . .I've been trying, really, I have. . .But I just- I can't figure out how to continue it. *sobs* Stupid writer's block! *wipes tear* And stupid people who hate my story. . .*sniffles* Whenever someone says they don't like my story, it puts me into a momentary writer's block. *sigh* I'm still recovering. LoL  
  
Rebecca: Will I *really* get a cookie. . .? Can it be chocolate chip? ^_^ LoL  
  
Adamsjo75: OMG!!! You SERIOUS?! You actually got it? *shocked* Wow. I didn't really think someone would. LoL I'm glad your sister enjoyed it and I hope you do too! ^_~  
  
Hey Kay: *giggles* Oh! That rhymed! LoL Anywho. . .I put this up at Spuffy Fantasy so hopefully you'll see it there soon! Thanks for suggesting it. =)  
  
Thanks to (in no particular order):aphelant, RoboShiflo, and SpIkEs AnGeL for the suggestion of the previous "Spuffy meeting!!"  
  
*rubs chin* Hm. . .I'm pretty sure there was one or two more people who suggested it too. . .So don't be shy and just tell me! Goodness gracious, child. I'll put your name up, you deserve the credit. *giggles* ^_^  
  
Thanks for all the great reviews! They've made me so deliciously happy! Thanks for reading AND for putting up with my hella looooong author's notes. *sheepish grin* I tend to ramble and get carried away. AGH! Just try having a REAL conversation with me. Bleh. LoL ^_^  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
He shook his head, "Not kidding."  
  
And with that, he got up and began climbing up the hill. I got up from my spot in confusion.  
  
Where the hell was he going? I need him!!!  
  
"Hey! Where are you going?" I repeated my thoughts.  
  
"I've got to see a girl," he answered over his shoulder.  
  
My hopes deflated.  
  
Great, just my luck. He was seeing someone already. I gave myself a mental slap. Stupid Buffy! Of *course* he's seeing someone. He's hot. What do you expect?  
  
I sighed, fully acknowledging the fact that hiring "the escort" would be the only way I could *ever* get a decent guy. Finally coming to a decision, I accepted that this hot guy with a delicious accent- and lips to go with the voice too -was totally on the "unavailable" list.  
  
"Damn," I muttered. But curiosity got the best of me, "So. . .Who's the lucky girl?"  
  
He stopped and smirked back at me. With a shrug, he replied, "Is that really any of your business?"  
  
I frowned. He got me there. "Well, no-"  
  
"Good. Then I suggest you don't ask," he continued to walk off.  
  
God! Did he have to be so rude? "Excuse me," I snapped, picking myself of the muddy ground. I strode after him, grabbing onto his leather clad arm, "but you have no right to tell me what to do or not to do-"  
  
My foot lost its gripping when it came in contact with damp grass and I fell. . . Taking 'Spike' along with me.  
  
Fortunately, we didn't fall into the lake again.  
  
Instead, I found myself splayed half on top of his body; my head only inches from his own.  
  
I could feel his muscles under my fingertips and I was itching to have them slip beneath his tight, black shirt. I looked up to meet his eyes and gulped.  
  
"Uh. . .Sorry," I apologized, crawling off of him.  
  
He smirked, "It's alright. I've never met any woman who literally went weak in the knees for me."  
  
He was looking at me through an arrogant grin and that was enough to kick me from the fantasyland I had floated into.  
  
I pulled a lock of hair behind my ear, "For your information. I did not go 'weak in the knees,' for you," I stood up, hands on my hips, "I just managed to slip on some slippery grass. It had *nothing* to do with *you.*"  
  
He shrugged as he stood up as well. "Sure thing, pet."  
  
I growled, "I'm not your 'pet.'" I began my way up the steep hill with him trailing behind me.  
  
Grabbing on to my dog's leash, I grimly realized that our dogs somehow managed to tangle both their leashes together.  
  
"Great," I mumbled, pulling the lines through loops and holes, trying to untwist it from its labyrinth.  
  
Spike caught up with me and swatted my hands away, taking over the deed himself.  
  
"Let a man handle this." He ordered, slightly puffing up his chest.  
  
I backed off while giving him a doubtful look, "If you *can.*"  
  
He raised a brow, "Are you saying I'm not man enough?"  
  
I laughed, "Hey, you said it, not me."  
  
He let out a breath, "Just watch the master at work." He cracked his knuckles and took the leash between his hands. After a small swear and frustrated shake of his head, I knew this was going to take a long time.  
  
I was surprised to actually find myself happy with this revelation as I took my seat on a bench. Resting my chin on my palm, I admired the sweet view of the British man's rear. To make it less obvious that I was staring, I occasionally slipped a small comment here and there.  
  
"I see. . ." Your cute ass in my face, I thought wickedly with a smile, "The rain has stopped."  
  
He snorted. "Wow. The blonde sure does know her weather," he muttered sarcastically.  
  
I nodded and pointed to my watch, "Yeah. I can tell time too."  
  
I heard a small chuckle then a frustrated growl.  
  
Oh my God. This guy's growl was hot. It sent shivers down my spine.  
  
"You need any help, there?" I asked, without noticing the small trail of saliva sliding down the side of my chin.  
  
He looked over his shoulder and his angry face melted into that arrogant grin of his. He motioned a finger towards his chin and my eyes widened as I straightened and wiped at my face.  
  
"Question is: Do *you* need any help-" His eyes traveled down my body, "there?"  
  
Cheeks reddening and mouth suddenly dry, I could do nothing but shake my head.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
A few minutes later, Spike and I still found our selves with our dog's leashes bound together.  
  
"Bloody, buggerin'. . ." Spike mumbled colorful British curses under his breath. His finger had gotten caught in a knot and he violently shook his hand. "Bloody hell."  
  
"I told you. If you need some help, all you have to do is ask. . ." I reminded him.  
  
He sighed and stretched, pulling that shirt ever-so-slightly to reveal some delicious abs.  
  
I unconsciously licked my lips. Yum.  
  
"You hungry there, pet?" He raised a brow.  
  
My cheeks tinted again in discovering how much he knew how affected I was by him, "Uh- erm. . .no."  
  
He shook his head and laughed, "Wasn't asking you, luv. I was talking to my dog."  
  
Face flaming, I nodded, "Right. Sorry." Feeling utterly stupid I tried to make a witty retort to cover up my embarrassment- "I'm not your 'luv.'"-My retort fell flat on its butt.  
  
I could see him holding back a smile and turned towards our dogs. "Well, seeing as how we're a little stuck together. . .How about we get ourselves some dinner?"  
  
He turned his head toward me with a smile and I couldn't help but smile back. It was a contagious thing. He made me feel all giddy inside. . .  
  
Whoa. What the *heck* was I saying? I just met the guy.  
  
'But you gotta admit. He's so incredibly hot!' My inner-woman roared.  
  
'Edible, even.' My bratty side joined in.  
  
I nodded inwardly, agreeing completely as he stared at me, waiting for an answer.  
  
Trying to make myself look not *too* excited, I decided to play it cool. "Are you asking me out on a date?"  
  
He shrugged, still smiling, "Maybe." Then the oddest thing. He looked down and shuffled his feet, shoving his hands into his leather jacket. He looked like a shy, nervous, little boy. "I- I mean. . . You know. I-If you w-want. . ."  
  
I couldn't help but think, 'Aw! How cute!' I had to stop myself from hugging him and bringing him home to show mom.  
  
A slow smile crept onto my lips, "I'd like that."  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
A/N: *teary eyed* I just found out my mom's mom has breast cancer AND my dad's mom, too. It's terrible. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. *wipes tears* It's not fair, you know? *sobs* So if you're wondering why updates are a little on the slow side, there's your answer.  
  
Oh, and SO sorry for the short chapter. *sheepish grin* I'll try and make it longer next time. ^_~  
  
Thanks for reading and reviewing. My God, you have NO idea how much they make me smile. ^_^  
  
Please be kind and review. =) Please please please? 


	10. Chapter 10

Dating for Dummies  
  
Disclaimer: Joss owns the characters, Elizabeth Young owns the plot, and I own Spike. . .the dog. *pout*  
  
Summary: Based on the book, Asking for Trouble written by Elizabeth Young. The personal ad idea was from Must Love Dogs, another book which was written by Claire Cook. Add a scene from "See Jane Date," and mix them together. . .What do you get? "Dating for Dummies." =)  
  
A/N: GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?! AGH!!!! *squealing* GUESS!!! Just because I'm not there to hear your answer, I want to hear your guess anyway. So GUESS! *wait's a beat* Give up? *giggles* My grandmas, BOTH, they're all BETTER! OMG! *wipes tear* They're fine. They're. . .healed. They're not dead. Their cancer didn't spread. *sobs* They're gonna live! Thank you to all those who prayed for me. I know this doesn't seem believable, but really. . .It's a miracle. And I really think you guys had something to do with it. *sniffles* Thank you. I'm so blessed.  
  
Special thanks to the following (in no particular order):  
  
Angel Queen2, Azazel, Lindz, buffsterangelicxws, SlayerGirl1, MySpike (My spirits are always up when I read your uplifting reviews. Thanks. =), JnR 4eva, spree, SlyrPrincess (It *does* help to write. I'm SO sorry to hear about your mom, too. *huggles* Thanks for being willing to talk. *wipes tear*), Spike&Buffy4ever (I am SO sorry to hear about your grandpa! I do hope he's better.), Livia (You were right. Everything was going to be ok. And thanks. I really needed to hear the 'have faith' thing. It helped. And I'm glad your aunt is better. ^_^), Aeneas (OMG! I'm sorry about your family. No one deserves to go through something like that. *huggles* You're such a strong person to keep going. *sniffles*), artemis66, wickedxunique, BrownEyes, SpIkEs AnGeL, SouthernRain, and finally, spike n' oliver's babe. THANK YOU ALL for wishing the best for my family. ~_~, *tear*  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
"So what would you like?" Spike asked, dropping his eyes from the nearby restaurants to cast a quick glance at me.  
  
YOU YOU YOU! I'd like you!!! My inner brat demanded.  
  
I bit my lip from saying the words out loud, "Doesn't really matter. I'm just hungry."  
  
Spike's eyes lit up at one of the buildings, "Oh! How about this one?"  
  
I looked in the direction his finger was pointing and recognized it as the same restaurant that I met Lindsey in.  
  
"Uh. . .Sure." I answered unsurely.  
  
He noticed this, "We don't have to eat here if you don't want to."  
  
I shook my head, "No, it's ok."  
  
He gave me a look, "Right. I bet you just don't wanna go in because of our muddy apparel."  
  
I laughed, "Well, yeah. I guess that's part of it. It's just. . ." I looked at our dogs who were trotting happily behind us, "What about them?"  
  
The brunette man shrugged, "We can just tie them to a post or something near the window, that way can keep an eye on them."  
  
"What?! No," I gave him a startled expression, "somebody might kidnap my baby!"  
  
He raised a brow at me, "You're. . .baby?"  
  
"I don't want anyone kidnapping my Spike." I explained.  
  
He grinned, "Didn't know you cared so much about me, luv."  
  
I rolled my eyes at him, "You're so full of yourself."  
  
Spike shook his head, "Actually, I'm a bit peckish, if you ask me."  
  
What the hell did that mean? I wrinkled my nose, "You're disgusting."  
  
He smirked, "It means eating, ducks." He leaned toward me, "But if you have other ideas-"  
  
I put a hand on his chest to stop him, "I was right. You *are* disgusting." My eyes widened, "Did you say 'eating ducks'? Who uses an expression like that?"  
  
Spike sighed and shook his head, "You must be seriously stoned."  
  
I pouted, "Am not. I'm not the one wants to eat ducks."  
  
"Right then. So what do you propose we do?"  
  
I frowned, "Huh? With ducks?"  
  
"With our dogs, luv."  
  
I nodded, "Oh." Shrugging, I grinned and finished, "Bring them in with us, of course." I tugged on Spike's leash and we began heading in the direction of the restaurant.  
  
He looked at me, surprise etched across his features, "You serious?"  
  
I shrugged, "Why not?"  
  
"People will look at us. . ." he warned.  
  
"Stare at us, even," I continued for him.  
  
He continued to look at me, "Don't you care?"  
  
"Should I?" Geez. What was with all the questions?  
  
He shook his head, "You're awfully weird."  
  
I put a hand on my hip, "Should I take that in offence?" I flipped my hair over my shoulder, "Besides, it's unique. Not weird."  
  
He smiled, "Yeah. You're the most unique person I've ever met. I mean, you're willing to go into a fancy restaurant with your dog and your body half covered in mud." He stared at me in awe, "I've never met a woman like you before."  
  
I liked the way he looked at me with the intense gaze and such. It made me feel all beautiful- but then again, after I felt the beauty settling in, I felt the self-consciousness settle in along with it.  
  
God, I hope my lips don't look chapped. How's my hair? I had to resist the urge from checking.  
  
I covered my nervousness with a joke and laugh, "Of course not. I'm one of a kind." He grinned as we continued to walk, "More reason for you to keep a hold of me before some other lucky guy does, 'cause I can guarantee, you won't find anyone else like me-" When I realized what I had just said, my eyes widened, my cheeks reddened, and I began to stutter, "N-not that y-you have to keep hold on t-to me, but it's not like you do. . .oh geez. . ." I bit my lip to keep me from saying anything else.  
  
He laughed.  
  
"Kill me now?" I looked up at him with embarrassment.  
  
He shook his head as he held the door open for me, "No way, luv. You look right cute when you ramble."  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
"Isn't this place a little. . .expensive?" I asked, worrying my lip, "I don't want you spending so much on. . .me. The girl who made you roll down a muddy hill, tumble into a lake, and made you fall back down again." I lay my menu down to get a better look at him.  
  
"Some wine, please." he asked the waitress and turned to me, "First off, yes, actually it is. But I wanted to make a good first impression on you. And second, of course. I *do* want to spend money for the girl who made me roll down a muddy hill, tumble into a lake, and made me fall back down again. She's a very nice girl and I'd like to get to know her a lot better."  
  
"Oh, really?" I asked with a smile.  
  
As he was about to reply, a man with a thick mustache came over to our table and cleared his throat in the rudest way possible.  
  
"Excuse me, Sir, Miss."  
  
All four of us looked up at the intrusion.  
  
Spike was the first to speak up, "Yes? May we help you?"  
  
The man folded his hand in front of him, "Sir, as the owner of this restaurant, I must enforce the rules we have here."  
  
"Rules?" I repeated.  
  
He nodded, "Yes, rules. You see, Miss, we have a certain dress code-"  
  
Spike nodded, "Right. The mud thing, isn't it?"  
  
"Yes, Sir, and-"  
  
Woof! Woof!  
  
Spike barked at the man and he jumped up in surprise. He shook his head and straightened out his suit before continuing, "We do not allow pets in this restaurant, either."  
  
Spike nodded and dug into his back pocket. "I think this should handle things. . ." He slipped the man some money and the man smiled.  
  
"Would you like some appetizers before the main dish. . .?"  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
Scooping up a hefty portion of vanilla ice cream, I laughed at Spike's story.  
  
"I tell you, she was a bloody irritating chit," he grimaced at the memory.  
  
I giggled, "I bet you have girls trying to get your attention all the time, huh?"  
  
He nodded, "God, yes." He pointed his spoon at me and joked, "Feel privileged to have my company. It's pretty hard to get-"  
  
I dropped my spoon and it clattered against the glass bowl.  
  
Spike frowned and gave me worried look, "Pet, are you alright?" He put a hand over mine and rubbed soothing circles with his thumb. I was so entranced by this small gesture that I had forgotten why I had dropped the spoon in the first place, "What's the matter?"  
  
I shook my head to clear my thoughts, "What about that other girl?"  
  
His brows knit in confusion, "What other girl?"  
  
"You know, the one you had to meet? Oh God, I've wasted your time. I'm sorry-" I began to apologize, but he cut me off.  
  
"Oh, that girl. Don't worry about it," he waved a hand in he air to show his dismissal of the topic, "I know this might sound stupid, but you know that lame column they have for personal ads?"  
  
Oh shit. My throat went dry. "Uh huh. . ." I squeaked.  
  
He nodded, "Well, yeah. I answered to one of them. The poor bird sounded so desperate for a boyfriend. So I felt absolutely bad and thought of taking her out for dinner. . ." His voice faded into the background as my thoughts whirled in my head.  
  
Great. He was the same guy who answered my ad. The British man that I was supposed to meet. Now, here he is, telling me how stupid I was. Whoa, what did he just say?  
  
"Whoa, what did you just say?" I asked, hoping I hadn't heard correctly.  
  
He put a scoop of vanilla in his mouth and swallowed, "I said, 'The chit was bloody stupid to make up a boyfriend, especially for such a long time.' I mean, the girl could've gotten herself a boyfriend during all that time, you know?" He took a sip of his drink, "Some people can be so daft. Did you know she made her 'imaginary' boyfriend a doctor? And now her mom wants to meet him-"  
  
Feeling humiliated and angry, I stood up so fast, the chair toppled backwards. ""Of *course* I know, you ass."  
  
He stopped smiling and he looked at me with confusion, "What?"  
  
I clutched my fists to my sides. "That was me."  
  
"That was- What are you talking about?" He set the spoon down.  
  
"I'm the poor chit desperate for a boyfriend."  
  
The color drained from his face, "Oh God. Pet, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean- "  
  
"Shut up," I ordered, "I don't wanna hear it." My voice began to raise and I gained the attention of the owner.  
  
The man with the thick mustache came jogging over, "Excuse Miss, is there a problem?"  
  
I ignored him and glared at Spike, "You are the most insensitive person I have ever met!"  
  
"I said I was so-"  
  
"I said I don't wanna hear it!" My hand curled into a fist and the owner noticed this.  
  
"M-miss, please d-don't punch the young Sir. We had a m-mighty hard time getting rid of that b-blood stain you made last time," the man stuttered, slowly backing away from me.  
  
I took a calming breath and unclenched my fingers, "I'm not going to hit him."  
  
Spike sank into his chair, "Sure. You're gonna kill me, right?"  
  
I sighed and shook my head at him, "You're not worth the trouble." I crouched down towards our dogs and unhooked the leash from Spike's collar. Turning on my heel, I left the restaurant with head held high.  
  
& * & * & * & * &  
  
A/N: I was GONNA make this a little longer. . .But today, me and my whole family are going out to have dinner with my grandma. Woo hoo! I'm so happy she's ok!  
  
Alright, I have the next chapter ALL figured out, so if you want it. . .Come and get it. *thinks* Wait- no. Leave a REVIEW if you want it. *wink* hehehe ^_^  
  
Please be kind and review. =) 


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